Monday, November 12, 2018

Grieving Together: A Wonderful New Resource on Miscarriage

There's something about the fall that makes me turn inward and reflect. Perhaps it's the falling leaves, the closing of the year, that makes us think more of eternity and the closing of this life, this world, someday. Perhaps it's the closing of the Church year, the feast days like All Saints and All Souls, that make us think of our loved ones on the other side.

Regardless, this can be a painful time of year for those who have lost a loved one, even if it's been years since the loss. While a lifetime of memories with someone still doesn't feel like enough after they're gone...there's a unique suffering of the loss of someone who didn't get to live any "years" at all-- the loss of child in miscarriage or stillbirth. Even now as I keep up with a busy toddler and crawling infant, my heart still achingly remembers my first little one that I held for such a short time. Once you have a child in heaven, it changes your family on earth forever.

Laura Kelly Fanucci is one of my favorite writers on this topic, although I'm sure she never wished to be an experienced writer of it. She and her husband have experienced infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss of their twin daughters. She writes beautiful, powerful reflections on her blog and I loved her book Everyday Sacrament on the daily graces and struggles of motherhood. When I heard she and her husband Franco were co-authoring a new book on miscarriage for couples, I knew it would be an incredible resource.

Grieving Together: A Couple's Journey Through Miscarriage fills such a great need in parishes and families when it comes to miscarriage. Men and women, and even just different personalities in general, grieve and heal so differently. It's a gift to have a 'manual' of sorts for a couple to journey through their grieving together yet individually. They can read the stories of others who have gone before them, seeing that they're not alone and affirming their grief in a society that cares so little for the unborn and too often ignores the reality of miscarriage.

Because they've been through it, this book is so thorough and contains so many gems that grieving parents will find helpful such as dealing with well-meaning but hurtful comments, the Church's teaching on miscarriage and babies' souls, saints and prayers for miscarriage, ways to remember and honor your child. There are even Appendices with many practical resources, websites, books, and Catholic rites.

Through reading this book, it has not only been helpful for me as a parent of a miscarried child, but it has also inspired me to discuss with my parish about beginning a Miscarriage Ministry, even if it be as small as a care package for families who have miscarried with a handwritten note of condolence and this book. Because my husband is the director for pro-life ministry in our diocese, I'm also going to discuss with him how we can incorporate this book into our diocesan ministry for miscarriage.

If you yourself have experienced a loss or if you know a couple who has (and believe me, you do), the book is available starting today! You can get it from Our Sunday Visitor (free shipping), Amazon, or Barnes and Noble.

Some additional freebies (!) you might be interested in are:

-A free e-book from Our Sunday visitor with excerpts from the Fanuccis How to Support Parents Who Have Lost a Child

-A free webinar with the Fanuccis that tells more about the book, their story, and how we can all support grieving parents.

I'm so grateful that in the past several years there's been more discussion on miscarriage and more resources for those grieving and for those who wish to comfort them. Many more women are sharing their experiences, several organizations are offering support and memory gifts., and now this wonderful book is giving parents a friend and mentor relationship with Franco and Laura as they walk (and sometimes wade) through the grief together. I truly believe this book will be a blessing to so many people. Please share it with your friends and family and parishes!


  1. This sounds like an amazing resource! Thank you for recommending it to us!
    I think it's cool that the couple co-authored this book together. I'm guessing that husbands process infant loss very differently than their wives, so this sounds like a really good book to help couples work together and learn how they can best support each other.

  2. I'm reading it now and it's SO good! It's the book I wish we had years ago. Our parish is just now starting miscarriage ministry stuff (which I'm a part of), so this book came to me at the PERFECT time.