|In memory of our son, Ignatius Allen. We can't wait to meet him in Heaven.|
All in His Time - losing a first child is an overwhelming cross.
"And although losing my child still sucks and I have to bury her before I ever got to hold and kiss her, I will always know her and be known by her. And the incredible loneliness I feel without being able to bring her into this world is given peace by the knowledge that I will always be her mom and I will meet her someday.
On Carrying and Missing - I relate to her struggle with being blindsided by miscarriage from having first carried the cross of subfertility.
"Carrying was supposed to be the part I could do. Sure, there would little deaths all along: the wine, the caffeine, the favorite foods, the comfortable sleep. But I knew what it meant to feel sick for six months; I was ready to make the sacrifice again; I needed no convincing that the end product was worth it. Infertility was the struggle we knew, so we figured that once the lines blurred clear on the test stick, we’d be sailing straight ahead till delivery day."
The Grace of a Meal - It's a silent sorrow that so few understand.
"No one brings you food after you miscarry. Champagne corks don’t pop in the labor room while you feast ravenously after the hard work of delivery. Instead, you sit in quiet recovery and swallow hard to push dry saltines past the lump in your throat. When you go home, there are no covered casseroles borne by church ladies carrying pink or blue balloons. Mostly, people just mumble something and avert their eyes, or they ignore the loss and you altogether."
Traditions for Remembering Pregnancy Loss - We were newlyweds losing our first child, too. I love her beautiful traditions for honoring and remembering.
"Being purposeful about it helps my husband remember that yes, this is always going to be a big deal. It helps me emotionally to know that we haven’t forgotten. Because it was a tiny life that we loved."
We Said Yes, Too - Possibly one of the best articles I've ever read on infertility and loss.
"I am not alone. I am joined by many women, strong in their faith, who sit in the pew behind a beautiful, large family and wonder why we are not overflowing with God’s visible blessings, too. Why we must bear the added burden of being mistaken for a sign of selfishness."
Devotionals and Prayers for Miscarriage - Includes my favorite miscarriage prayer below.
Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?
“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.
-- Mother M. Angelica
-- Mother M. Angelica