Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Delightfully Insignificant

With a full mind and confused heart, cabin fever wasn't helping. Feeling the need for some fresh air and surroundings, I piled on the snow gear and trekked to the woods with my faithful dogs. As I headed back via the path in our field, I felt refreshed already. How could I not when Micah skipped and jumped and smiled the whole way?

And then I entered a snow-covered Narnia. Stillness. Peace. Beauty. It was my tryst with the past. I made a snow angel, tasted some fresh snow, and swung on the tree swing. I visited all my old haunts, reminiscing about the imaginative games we played as kids. It was magical. I felt almost as if I had walked back in time. It was good to step away from the present and its concerns and confusion.

Looking up at the clear blue sky and around at the pure snow, I felt delightfully insignificant. I felt very small in this vastness, yet I knew the God who created it all. And He wanted to know me. He was immeasurably greater than all of this-- yet cares for me individually. He was big enough to hold and mend all my worries and fears.

Those worries seemed insignificant anyway in the simplicity of the moment. Life is not as complicated as I make it. I just need to take note from His other creations to see that. The trees in the woods-- they wait patiently and quietly for spring, keeping their branches raised to their Creator. My dogs-- they aren't worried about the future but are more concerned with living each moment to the fullest.

I don't need to have my life figured out. I just need to wait patiently and quietly for the next step to be revealed, living each moment to the fullest, with my arms raised to the One who does have it all figured out.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Waiting with patience and Living with purpose

"You're not alone, For I am here,
Let me wipe away your every tear,
My love, I've never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life,
Faithful and true, Forever, Oh my love will carry you."

-"You're Not Alone," Meredith Andrews

I love when God sends us songs on the radio at just the right moment. I had been talking on the phone with Grant not too long before and found out that his 2 week leave from Iraq is being pushed later, possibly even to April instead of the February I had hoped for.

All of a sudden I realized how much I had been planning on that February visit. How the waiting was difficult, but at least I could begin to say we might see each other next month. I knew it was tentative, as almost everything is in the Army, but still my heart kept this hope alive for February. And now...now there would be more days, more weeks, another month or two before we would be together.

As I tried to find strength somewhere within, this song came on the Christian radio station. I heard the beautiful lyrics and was reminded I am not alone. Even though Grant can't be here with me, the Lord has never left my side. Jesus, my greatest love, has seen me through dark nights before. He is the One who has loved me all my life, long before Grant and I knew each other. And so I rest in Him, knowing that His plan is best. I carry Grant's love in my heart, and allow my Savior's love to carry me.

My New Year's resolution this year is to have a patient heart. This is my fourth year in choosing a quality of heart to work on so I can be more like my Savior. A thankful heart in 2006, a hopeful heart in 2007, a joyful heart in 2008, and now a patient heart in 2009. It's definitely appropriate this year as I wait for Grant's safe return. Yet it's more than that. It's a quality I want to permeate my whole life. Instead of the rushing, multi-tasking, busy mentality of today, I want to seek quietness, patience, and purpose. Life is so beautiful when we take the time to truly live it.