Heart Lessons

I was tired. We were short on nurses that day. My coffee had worn off and my patience had worn thin.

I sat down beside the last patient of the day and tried to mentally slow down. She was here for a check up, she wasn't feeling any better, had no money, had no hobbies, had no energy or breath to accomplish anything, smelled like cigarette smoke, and didn't know how to get rid of her anxiety and depression.

As I type this, my heart is tugged with empathy for her as I see her struggles bunched together like that.

Yet I struggled with cynicism. She hardly let me get a word in edgewise and I'm not sure she heard me when I did. Her heart was weak from a long history of cocaine abuse. It was pumping at a mere fraction of the strength and efficiency of a normal heart. It was no wonder she was short of breath and tired.

I tried to listen. I tried to respond with kindness. But in my heart, I was frustrated, and if I'm real with myself--annoyed.

Then Dr. A came in to see her. He was tired, too.

She barely let him get a word in edgewise either. She cried and laughed and complained and pleaded.

And he just kept gently re-directing her. He went above and beyond what most doctors would do. He didn't care if her past had led her here. He simply wanted to heal her. He went all over the clinic to find her a free medication. He spoke to her the same way he speaks to anyone else. He treated her with dignity and without judgment. He smiled and gave her hope.

I stood by and watched.

Conscience-stricken.

Because a Muslim doctor just showed a Christian nurse how to be more like Christ.

{On} the Beaten Trail...An Adventure in Pictures

That creatively adventurous man of mine made reservations at a stable...

 

Someone is almost more excited than I am about the prospect!

Beautiful. Just beautiful. Deep in the country, my heart is swelling.

Can I move here?

Checking the radar and waiting out the pouring rain!

Meet Willie, my new friend.

Ready to go!

P. and Abel bonding.

The weather provided a unique trail ride during the next hour
...an elusive mix of sunshine, dusk, drizzle, and mist. 

A country girl, a city boy,
and a great memory.

Wisdom for Wednesdays

Build Your kingdom here
Let the darkness fear
Show Your mighty hand
Heal our streets and land
Set Your church on fire
Win this nation back
Change the atmosphere
Build Your kingdom here
We pray.

-Rend Collective Experiment

(I love love LOVE this song. Foot-tapping...and soul-stirring.)

7 Quick Takes [vol. 13]

I'm really kinda irrationally excited to be blogging for Quick Takes. I'm pretty sure I should feel lame for being so happy at home on this Friday night, but honestly, I love it. I've got my feet up on the coffee table, the Little Dog snuggled beside me, my roommate watching TV, and the joy of knowing there's no. work. tomorrow. I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now more than sitting here joining you fun people. Except maybe eat ice cream. Which I didn't buy at the grocery today. Aw, man...

--1--

 

The last two weekends I've gone camping. Both trips were absolutely wonderful. It was so refreshing and renewing to live simply in the beautiful outdoors for a couple weekends. We hiked, we kayaked, we played volleyball and frisbee, we went on a hayride, we cooked over the fire.

The first weekend was spent with a dozen or so young adults, solid in their faith, and loads of fun. It's always so great to meet new people and hear their stories and their perspectives. And of course I loved spending time with some of my besties and the man I love.

 

The second weekend was an annual girls-only camping trip at the lake. It was a quieter weekend with only three of us, but we all were happy to get away from stressful jobs and spend the time kayaking on the gorgeous lake, reading books in the sunshine, and talking as girls do.

 

So thankful for friendships and God's beautiful creation.

 

--2--

 

Speaking of friends, my dear friend K. just moved with her husband and four precious kiddos to Wisconsin--many hours away from here. She's an beautiful wife, momma, and friend and I'll miss her loyal, authentic, energizing friendship. But we did have a great going-away night, dancing like crazy at zumba then devouring homemade pizza.

--3--

 

Speaking of food (my transitions need some help; bear with me), I'm not doing very well in the cooking and baking department, friends. I pin recipes on Pinterest like a professional chef, but after that, it gets a bit messy...and I don't mean in the kitchen. I just cannot seem to get organized with meal planning, grocery shopping, and the actual meal prep. I'd like to blame it on working full-time and being single...but really, I don't want to blame anything. I just want to make time for it. Any ideas? How do you all do it?

 

To redeem myself, I did make 10 pints of salsa and 5 quarts of spaghetti sauce. From homegrown tomatoes. It. Was. So. Fun. I just want to be Laura Ingalls sometimes.

 

--4--

 

I watched NCIS on Tuesday. Remember my craze last year? I still love the show, I just haven't been as obsessed or made time for watching episodes. But this episode was not to be missed. It was Ziva's farewell episode. And...Tony kissed her! A pure, deep, beautiful kiss that put any inappropriate Hollywood trash to shame. My romantic little heart was so happy. If only she would have stayed on the series, though! Tony needs her! And she needs Tony! Annnd...I'm moving on to the next quick take before I lose my credibility on this blog due to a TV show that's not real...

 

--5--

 

October is such a gorgeous month. Let's pause for an Anne of Green Gables quote.

 

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."

 

Me too, Anne. Me too.

 

There are a lot of special days this month. Respect Life Sunday is this weekend (and the whole month is Respect Life month). The feast of St. Therese of Lisieux (one of my favorites!) was October 1, the feast of the guardian angels on October 2, and today St. Francis of Assisi. Such precious friends to guide us by prayers and example on our way to Heaven.  

 

--6--

 

I haven't really gone shopping since Haiti. It's interesting. Part of me still wants to shop, part of me feels guilty about the idea, part of me feels like my heart still hasn't fully processed Haiti...like I still don't fully know how God wants to use it in my life. It's unsettling and a bit uncomfortable.

 

But it's good to be uncomfortable.

 

I want to go to Maurice's and buy a new dress for my roommate's wedding this month...yet I have several in the closet I only wear a few times a year...do you feel my tension?

 

I'm reading 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, by Jen Hatmaker. I shared an excerpt from it on Wisdom for Wednesdays a few weeks ago.

 

This book makes me uncomfortable, too.

 

--7--

 

Well, friends. It's quarter to nine. And I still want to make applesauce. Is that enough time? I think so. I'm going to muster some motivation to peel and slice a bowlful of apples and cook them in the crockpot overnight...can't wait to wake up to that delicious smell!

 

It was delightful joining you tonight! Have a beautiful weekend!







Wisdom for Wednesdays

"The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was:

'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?'

But the good Samaritan reversed the question:

'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?'"

 

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Wisdom for Wednesdays

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

"Oceans", Hillsong United

All in a Day

Ahhh. I feel a million times better right now. I just washed off a green clay face mask and I feel like I washed all my cares away, too. (okay, not really. but it sounds like a great commercial.)

It's amazing what some food, some quiet rest time, some praise and worship, and a clay mask can do for my outlook.

It's been a long day. Two miscarriages, a new baby, a new pregnancy, ultrasound training, piles of paperwork, piles of emotions. And to top it all off, personally I've been charting again. I know it's for my health, but it's also a glaring reminder that my body doesn't work right...and as I see these precious babies, I can't help but wonder if my body will carry one beneath my heart someday. Someday.

And so after staying late at work, buying some groceries for a camping trip this weekend, and then finally getting home this evening with a full heart and an empty stomach...I cried.

I walked through my house putting away clothes and groceries as sniffles and mini-sobs escaped.

I'm a little hesitant to tell you guys that. I've been posting all these Haiti reflections and quotes on poverty and justice...and here I blubber because of transient hunger and fear of the future.

I'm aware of the first-world status of my problems.

But you know...I still think God cares. Actually, I know He does.

Because I felt His caress as I unpacked those groceries. He wasn't criticizing me for being weak. He was reminding me He wants to be my strength. No matter what our struggle is, He wants to be in the thick of it with us. Whether it's something big like third-world hunger, or something small like a long day at work...or something universal like loneliness, fear, guilt, or heartache...He's there. A loving Father who either gently points our focus in a new direction, or generously provides for our needs and desires, or sometimes just holds us tight and cries with us.

The groceries are put away. The camping food is packed. I even found some time to load up the tent and all that. And despite the challenges, it was a beautiful, graced day at the pregnancy center. It feels great to look back on the crazy day and know that most of the to-do list got done anyway; I don't know why I worry about it.

But the moment I treasure most from tonight is when I felt His presence in the midst of my humanness. When I lifted my hands spontaneously in worship as Spotify played my favorite songs, and the God of the broken reached down and loved me in all my first-world selfishness and weakness. And reminded me that He doesn't want me to complete a to-do list for Him.

He just wants me.

He wants you, too.

Throw away the to-do list with me. He's reaching down. Lift up your hands. It feels a million times better.