Happy Easter!

Easter blessings to you from our family! May the Risen Lord give us hope this season as we remember and celebrate that HE can overcome anything in our lives holding us back from the joy and peace He wants us to experience!** 

**My husband took a walk with the dog last night and wished a neighbor man a 'happy Easter.' The man grunted and said 'just another day.' It hurts my heart to think of those hurting on holidays-- the poor, the lonely, the singles (I remember, girls!), the childless...and honestly, each one of us has our brokenness that surfaces during the holidays. Even now, the hubby and I argue, or family gatherings aren't perfect, etc. etc. But let's all remember no matter what we're struggling with, that Easter is never just 'another day.' It is truly the reason for our hope-- that Christ died to give us new and eternal life, and that He overcame the grave and every darkness we may ever experience. Seek the Light this Easter season. The darkness cannot overcome it. Lots of love to each of you. Thanks for reading and being my friend.

Our Triduum Plans

It's here! The Triduum has begun! (For Catholics, the Triduum is the three days of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday. We remember and celebrate the Last Supper and the institution of the Eucharist, Jesus' carrying the cross and His death for us on it, and then the burial and the waiting, the "in between" time, of Holy Saturday.)

Though my Holy Week started rather shakily, I'm excited about the Triduum and I've seen God's grace at work through this week. I was able to experience the sacrament of Confession on Tuesday and felt so much grace and mercy from the Lord's forgiveness. It has helped me clear my mind and heart to focus on the upcoming liturgy.

It's a blessing to be home this year, whereas previous years I've had to work on these days and it was more of a rush to get to a Mass or service. I'm thankful to be able to have the church events be the focal point of my days this year, although I know it will be a challenge to stay focused once I'm there and little G is moving all around! ;)

Holy Thursday: today I'm trying to clean the house, make a couple pot pie casseroles, one to eat today and one to freeze. Since we'll be with family on Easter, I know it would be nice to come home to a clean house and leftovers in the refrigerator. Plus I'm just in a spring cleaning kind of mood. Our neighborhood is blooming with cherry trees and flowers and I'm all about wiping the windows so we can see it better! This evening we'll head to our parish's Holy Thursday Mass. Today is such a rich day of layers-- the Passover of the Old Testament, the Last Supper of the New Testament, and the Mass and Eucharist celebration of today. The instructions to roast the lamb and eat it...the breaking of the bread to become the Body of the Lamb, "This is My Body, given up for you"...and now receiving the Eucharist as we do indeed remember and "do this in memory" of Him. Thank you, Jesus, for this incredible gift.

Good Friday: my husband has the day off, which will be so nice. I plan to spend the morning catching up on the rest of the laundry and cleaning, and then hopefully spend the afternoon hours in the solemn quiet and reflection warranted by the day. I wish our communities still observed the noon to three closings of businesses and schools and such. But we'll try to shut off our media and music and have our own solemn remembrance at home. Our parish has a service at noon or the neighboring Catholic church has one at 2pm, depending on the baby's nap schedule. ;) In past years, I've watched the Passion of the Christ but I'm not sure I'll be able to sit through a whole movie this year.

Holy Saturday: I love Holy Saturday. I read once that we tend to spend a lot of our lives in "Holy Saturdays." We don't daily have the tragedies of Good Friday nor the rejoicing of the Resurrection and Easter, but rather we live a lot of our lives in between those two extremes...and often waiting and hoping for something in the midst of the ordinary. I love that. I'll probably spend the day preparing for Easter. I'd like to put out my spring and Easter decorations, including my bird feeder and wind chimes outside and decorating my seasonal chalkboard inside. I'm making carrot cake for our Easter dessert (dairy free! Yippee!) and might make some deviled eggs (my husband hates them but my mother-in-law loves them...). I wish we could make it to the Easter Vigil Mass to top off the Tridduum because there's just nothing like that Mass. The new Catholics coming in to the Church, all the extra Scripture readings, the candles and the music!!! But alas, our baby is at that too-old-yet-too-young stage for it and I know the Lord understands. I do look forward to worshiping at the Easter morning Mass (and on a less pious note, G and I have very closely matching dresses, even though I found hers secondhand recently and have had mine for years. Very excited to snap some mother/daughter pics!). Someday when G is older, I want to make Resurrection cookies with her-- have you seen those? They are the ones like meringue cookies, where each ingredient stands for something in the Passion of Christ, then you put them in the oven ("tomb") and seal it overnight, then on Easter morning you wake up and they're not only ready to eat, but they're hollow or "empty" inside, just like the tomb after Jesus rose! :)

If you're still with me after all this rambling, you're a true friend! haha! What are your Triduum or Easter plans this year?

When You Feel Unholy [During Holy Week]

Thanks to Sweet Little Ones for my Lenten printable!

It seems to happen every year around this time. The holiest week of the year is here and I'm feeling quite the opposite.

The good stuff first: it's been an overall good Lent with fasting from social media (minus the times I cheated...). I've kept in tune with liturgical living more than usual and have had simple decorations even when the first day of Spring presented itself. I've held off putting out the bird feeder, wind chimes, fresh flowers, and such things simply to make Easter even more celebratory. My days have been quieter and more contemplative for the most part.

But.

I have gotten into a nasty habit of negativity. I'm sure I can think of lots of excuses (postpartum hormones? PCOS? lack of affirmation? long winter?), but no real reasons for it. The sad truth is I have simply focused more on the difficulties in this current season and vocation than the blessings of it. I sigh and eye roll and grumble way more than I want to admit. I shuffle around with a slave mentality instead of a servant-heart. Even my husband has noticed. (Or maybe if I'm being honest, I'm even moreso that way around him so he knows "how hard" my days are...). It's embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it.

Even God has gently corrected me a few times. I've learned from our book club last year to zero in when God speaks twice-- usually a verse or phrase or topic that comes up more than once in a personal way. In the span of a few hours, I had TWO Bible verses/themes repeated on the radio and in books I was reading: To "rejoice in the Lord always" and "when you seek Me with all your heart, I will be found by you." I knew God was reminding me He is the reason for joy and the only way we can have steadfast, constant joy. He was also encouraging me to seek Him in my days and to find Him in my family, but not halfheartedly.

I improved for awhile but soon fell back into my negative slump. Which is where you find me today, on the Monday of Holy Week. Feeling very unholy.

But you know what? Maybe it's not a bad thing to feel this way at the beginning of Holy Week. Maybe that's exactly where I need to be on this Monday before the Triduum. Because this is the starting place of remembering how much I need a Savior. This is the posture of repentance where I can receive mercy and grace. This is where I can focus on Christ on the Cross and learn better how to carry my own cross and to lay down my life in this season. And this is where I prepare for joy, true joy, the joy that comes from knowing that yes, I am unholy, but there is a Holy One who died for me and rose from the grave. My unholiness doesn't faze him. He is at work in me, always working on a resurrection for the dead, sinful places within me.

If you are feeling in a dark place this Monday, take heart! Enter into each moment of this week knowing that Christ too walked through darkness so that we would know redemption. Walk with Him carrying the cross and sit at His feet while He hangs there with love for you, just as you are. Know that He is stronger than any sin or struggle in your life. In the end, the Son will rise, the Light will shine forth, and that is reason for us to rejoice!

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"Through fasting and praying, we allow Him to come and satisfy the deepest hunger that we experience in the depths of our being: the hunger and thirst for God." 

-Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

(Happy Ash Wednesday, friends! Let's follow Jesus through the wilderness these 40 days and find Him anew in a deeper way!)

NAS: Back in the Swing!

Linking up with the NAS girls this week! They are growing like crazy-- in grace, vibrancy, and numbers! I'm not the most loyal participant, but I'm a loyal stalker! These young women are absolutely beautiful and I love learning about them and their lives as we all live this season of unique joys and challenges together.

And now. Onto this week's topic...

We are back! As we get into the swing of things with NAS, what other ways can we be more involved at church or in our communities? Is there a parish ministry you have been wanting to help with or start up? What about that after school program for homeless kids? Has something been preventing you from getting involved? How do you think this will help you personally, spiritually and emotionally?

This is such a great topic. One that makes my fingers pause on the keyboard as my mind runs ahead with thoughts...maybe a sip of the tasty lemonade next to me will help sort my thoughts into sentences...

One of the perks of being a single young woman is the ability to be in charge of your schedule (including any and all free time!). For me, sometimes it's easy to want to use that free time for myself. You know, bake cookies, paint my nails, go out with girlfriends, work on a DIY project...I'm pretty much never bored, guys. Yet even though all of that is great and I'm thankful for the little joys, I also want to live this season in a way that glorifies God and brings not only me closer to Him, but also all those I encounter. I don't want my purpose to be simply enjoying these years while I wait for the vocation of marriage. Rather I want to be an encourager, teacher, nurturer, and evangelist--actively waiting for the vocation of marriage while I live out now this beautiful lifelong vocation of being a woman!

The next question is how do we do that?? Honestly, I don't think there's a specific right answer for everyone. Even though we may all fall into the category of "single young women," we also come with unique gifts and talents, personalities, emotional states, and so on. In my post-college years of being single, I've had years of being involved in multiple (probably too many) service/volunteer commitments and I've also had years of quitting every single one of them to pause and allow much-need spiritual renewal after experiencing burnout (or a breakup!). These days, I'm volunteering as an ultrasound nurse at the crisis pregnancy center, a member on our pastoral council, and part of a women's monthly share group. I love that one is counseling and mentoring those in need outside the church, one is a vision team for building up the church, and one is for my own personal support and encouragement. Each one is such a blessing and the time commitment feels just right...but who knows what opportunities God might be getting ready to present!

Here are a few last thoughts on single young women and our involvement in church and community:

-Don't over-commit! I'm pretty sure some people think that since singles have no family, they have no need for free time. Some parishioners will want you to be part of every committee or class or group possible. It's okay to say no.

-Don't sacrifice your own time with the Lord. There's a subtle danger of serving God and His people yet finding no time to actually pray, read spiritual books, and tend to your own soul. If you feel like you're talking about God (in CCD class, small group, whatever) more than you're talking TO God, find some time for some soul-searching and ask God to help you prioritize and to show you how to be both Martha and Mary!

-Do follow your heart. Do you find joy working with youth? Have a passion for women's ministry? Want to start a small group? Like being behind the scenes serving? Sometimes God does ask us to step out of our comfort zones and fill a need, yet most often I think He wants us to use the gifts He's given us. Pray and reflect on what brings you joy and fulfillment and then try to find a service area that calls out your particular gifts and passions.

Looking forward to reading more of how the other ladies use their time, treasure, and talents! You can read their stories here!

Signs of Life: A Book Review

So as promised, my summer reading continues! Lounging on my deck this evening, I finished Signs of Life, by Scott Hahn. The author is one of favorite theologians because he has a crazy-massive amount of knowledge when it comes to Scripture and Church history yet always, always remains humble and sincere. No pride, no legalism, no aloofness. His knowledge totally travels down to his heart and he desires that same thing for his readers.

This particular title by him intrigued me and was less known to me than some of his other books. I absolutely love being Catholic and I love the extras that come with it (the Saints, Holy Water, Sacraments, Feast Days, etc.) Though often our Protestant brothers and sisters from the outside looking in see this as empty rituals at best or idolatry at worst, Scott so beautifully explains that the practices of our Faith are far from that. Rather they're an outward sign of an inward reality. A gift of our loving Father and Creator who knows that we are both soul and body. The invisible expressed by the visible. He covers the Sign of the Cross, the Rosary, religious medals, and more.

And each of these "extras" as I called them are not only helpful in devotion and following Christ, but also deeply rooted in Scripture and have been practiced by Christians from the very first centuries. One of my favorite things about this book was the section at the end of each chapter: "Ponder With Your Heart." Scott Hahn shares a writing from early Church fathers, Scripture, or other Church leaders on the topic of the chapter and encourages the reader to prayerfully consider how you can apply what you've read to grow closer to the Lord in your daily life.

This book deserves five stars and I'd recommend it to anyone with a desire to grow in your faith and knowledge of Scripture, the early Church, and devotion to Christ. If you are Catholic, you'll renew your awareness and gratitude of the richness of our Faith. If you are not Catholic, you'll learn much of the Scriptural/ancient church background of why Catholics do such weird things sometimes!

[Thank you to Blogging for Books for providing me with this review copy at no cost! The content of this review contains my honest and original words and thoughts.]

Quick Takes-- Take Two

 

It's obviously been a hugely emotional week for me, but I'm feeling pretty stable tonight so we're going to avoid any negative thoughts in our quick takes, right, Laura?...

 

--1--

 

I went grocery shopping last Tuesday. I detest grocery shopping this time of year. It's just so commercialized and materialistic, it drives me crazy. (so much for nixing the negative thoughts...) It didn't help my hurting heart either. BUT (positive thought coming...wait for it...) the checkout lady was wonderful. My heavy heart had me pitifully close to tears the whole trip, but this sweet woman was so kind and patient and genuinely friendly. It sounds overly simple, but it can mean so much when someone is nice to you when you're hurting, you know? It really makes me want to be more careful about cultivating a kind and gentle attitude towards everyone...you just never know what someone is going through.

 



--2--

 

My girlfriends. I love them. They are truly my second family and I'm incredibly grateful for them. What a gift they have been this week. I sent out an email to my share group and other close girls and asked for their prayers about the breakup with P. and that they not call or try to get together for awhile because I needed some time alone instead of answering questions over and over, even though well-meaning and loving. One friend called five minutes after I sent the email because she simply read the first line of the email and didn't get any further before picking up the phone to support me. Two of them knocked on my door one evening with a gift basket of sweet goodies they put together and the reassurance that I "didn't have to say anything."  Another dropped off three different Psalms to pray and said she didn't need to know the details. My sister came and helped me clean and brought me a bag of thoughtfulness. And the rest of them sent texts and emails of love and prayer and support. Even you sweet online bloggie friends. My heart is full of humble gratitude. I'm just overwhelmed by you. And I want to be like you. You godly, grace-filled women who remind me what Christ is like. You are my Mark Chapter 2 friends...carrying me on my mat to the Healer.

 

--3--

 

The Pastoral Council of my parish met Tuesday night. I was in charge of gathering info and presenting on an Outreach Committee we are envisioning. I tidied my emotions for the evening and was able to focus on the meeting and even enjoy it. I like this behind-the-scenes of our parish and hearing the group's thoughts and visions on both how to be Christ to the people and minister to their needs as well as how to bring them closer to Christ Himself. It doesn't matter what we do if it's not leading them closer to Him.

 

--4--

 

The crisis pregnancy center asked me to consider a bigger role than I expected. I'm still praying about it and spoke with the director of nursing at my current job today to see if it could all be worked out. I feel God's hand in it, yet I'm also okay to let it unfold, one step at a time, and let Him work out the details...because there are a lot of details to work out. Still, it's crazy to see how He's already led me through so many steps to get to this spot. One thing's for sure--the whole experience has already made such an impact on me. And I love love love the director of the CPC. It would be such a blessing to work under her. Maybe she would rub off a little on me...

 

--5--

 

We had our second and final night of the Prelude to Advent drama on Wednesday. What a beautiful, soul-stirring presentation. Loved the music and the reflections. Powerful reminders of the gift of the Incarnation. Of Immanuel. Of hope. One of my favorite moments was the end when we sang "O Come O Come Emmanuel" a capella carrying candles in a dark church. We walked to the beat of the song and ended the song holding our candles, quietly and still, on the balcony and up the stairs on both sides of the church. The guests left in a holy, hushed, candle-lit silence. Beautiful.

 

--6--

 

NCIS and RCIA. (They have nothing to do with each other except that they're both abbreviations. I'm trying to get a two-for-one here.) I've watched about 9 episodes of NCIS this week. Don't judge me. It really helps. I always thought that cop shows were all the same. Not so. I'm hooked on this one with its endearing characters and its lack of all the junk (i.e. immorality) the other ones seem to have. RCIA class last night was great. We went through the parts of the Mass and the beauty, Scripture, and holy mystery embedded within it. I'm really proud of J. and his commitment to learning and seeking. We're all beginning to build community there with each other. Not so great part: our icebreaker question at the beginning was to share how was our week...aw, man. The last question I felt like answering. Grace. Humility.

 

--7--

 



Miss him. Badly. Like miss-him-so-badly-I-can't-breathe-sometimes. I sat in the chapel on my lunch break for the third day in a row. So thankful for that chapel and the time with Jesus in the middle of my day. I don't always feel the grace right away, and I'm not going to say I don't struggle with questions and knowing His ways and thoughts...but I choose to trust the Lord's promises (choosing that over and over, day after day). And I'm certain He is the Way Himself and I can't get through this or grow through this without Him. "When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart." Yes. Yes. Yes.



Wisdom for Wednesdays

"All people feel the interior impulse to love authentically: love and truth never abandon them completely, because these are the vocation planted by God in the heart and mind of every human person." (emphasis mine)

-Pope Benedict XI

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"Catholicism does not call us to abandon the world but to help shape it. This does not mean leaving worldly tasks and responsibilities but transforming them...Social justice and the common good are built up or torn down day by day in the countless decisions and choices we make. "

-U.S. Bishops, Everyday Christianity

Ministry Without a Name

I’ve done a lot of volunteering in the years gone by. I’ve walked dogs at the animal shelter. I’ve played bingo with the nursing home residents. I’ve been a youth leader and a choir member and a server at the soup kitchen.

And it was beautiful. Each time taught me about serving and loving—and how we are all so very much the same at heart.

But during a season of heartache and burnout combined, I drew back. I pulled out of each ministry and sought silence more, simplicity more--Jesus more.

I found that sometimes when we’re in ministry, we focus more on serving than on the One we serve. Sometimes pride creeps in with the labels that accompany our deeds or committees or outreach. We feel justified by our contributions to a named ministry. Sometimes we forget that we are only the vessel.

Read the rest at The Catholic Young Woman...

Choosing to Count

The alarm, an odd mixture of radio and beeping due to a faulty switch, roused me from my sleep one early morning. I trudged to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Bags under my eyes. Hidden sorrows inside of them. Worsening PCOS. Relationship questions. Church commitments. My tendency to gossip and complain more lately. Little things and big things adding up to a heaviness I wanted to wash away with the cool water from the faucet.

I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t despairing. I wasn’t really even discouraged.

I was just tired. I looked at the small wooden sign below the bathroom mirror.

Count Your Blessings, it read.

I knew what it was asking. I understood the reminder. Think positive. Choose joy. Mind over matter. One of my favorite topics.

Yet I looked at it, understood the meaning and the invitation…

And I said no.

With a few stray tears in my eyes, I said no. I just don’t feel like counting them today, Lord.

It wasn’t in anger or doubt.

It just was.

Then I drove to the church. I walked into the confessional, craving this sacrament of healing. I knelt down before a man who chose to give his life to serve the Church, who listened to my sins and failings and struggles, who ministered through the power of Jesus’ forgiveness and mercy (John 20:22-23).

When I was finished speaking, he spoke.

He told me, in these very words, to count my blessings.

He encouraged me to seek gratitude. To remember that every single breath is from the Lord. To realize that when we are truly and humbly thankful to God for every breath and gift, there’s no room for pride or jealousy or selfishness.

The coincidence of his advice—and those same three words—was not lost on me. God heard my overwhelmed ‘no’ of the morning and gently reminded me through the words of the priest that He has given me everything I have and that He will continue to provide for me in His loving way.

The heaviness was once again washing away and grace was pouring in.

The Front Row Pew

I could see her from my seat in the choir. She sat stiffly in the front pew, neck brace restricting any movement. Her face was taut with pain from recent back surgeries and complications, but her eyes were focused on the altar as she sang and prayed and participated in the Mass. Amidst the pain, there was an unmistakable aura of joy and trust.

It was beautiful.

There’s something about that front pew that inspires me. Every church has one—the pew reserved for those with special needs.

Those who don’t see well.

Those who don’t walk well.

Those who are in the process of healing.

They sit in that front pew and unknowingly inspire me with their focus and attentiveness. But especially with their joy. Their physical handicaps don’t hold them back from coming to worship and to receive Jesus. Their suffering doesn’t keep them from smiling. Maybe because they know the One who gives meaning to it, the One who first picked up a cross and then told us to do the same and follow Him.

The more I think about it, perhaps we all belong in that front pew.

Read the rest of this article at The Catholic Young Woman

Holy Mysteries

The wind howled angrily outside the century-old country church. The thick rain pounded the parking lot.

But I was safe inside as I closed the door behind me.

I walked through the dark church to the front, familiar steps from years gone by. I paused at the step before the altar and gently sank to the floor. I slipped off my shoes, for this was a holy place.

And I sat at the feet of my Jesus.

Darkness. Except for the light of the small red sanctuary lamp. The flicker that says He’s here. He’s waiting. Just for me.

Quiet. Stillness.

Mystery.

I had unspoken thoughts and emotions on my heart, but no words. So I hoped that my soul would speak to Him when my mind could not.

It wasn’t the first time I had sat in this spot, that I had brought Him my uncertainty and fear, my hope, my awe and wonder. The past memories whispered in hushed tones, reminding me of the prayers I’d prayed in this very spot over the years, some with answers manifested and some with answers still unknown to me but known in heaven.

How many before me have knelt here in this hundred-year-old place of worship?

How many have sat here at Jesus’ feet in those hundred years, offering hearts and receiving graces?

Beautiful faith. Handed down from generation to generation. Seasons change. Years pass. But He is always there. The red glow beckons us to His feet. He is there, waiting with love and mercy and grace and healing. The Ancient One from Abraham’s time; the same God yesterday, today, and forever.

Unchanging.

A Visit from John Michael Talbot

Speaker and musician John Michael Talbot came to our church this week!

This was super exciting for our parish, as it’s been in the works for about two years. I’m so happy I was able to attend—though I had trouble finding a seat! (Come on, people, this is a church. Do NOT lay your coats across the pews to save seats for those coming later!! Thank you to my choir family for letting me slip in with some of them!)

I digress. (In other words, I'm done with the hypocritical whining!)

Once I was squished in comfortably seated, the rest of the evening proved to be full of deep wisdom and instruction, delightful humor, and stirring music. If you haven’t heard of JMT, you can check out his website here.

I wanted to share with you a beautiful analogy he gave on the Christian life. He reminded us that being a Christian doesn’t mean we no longer have the suffering and trials of this life—but that now we have hope and meaning through them because of our God and Savior.

JMT compared the Christian life and transformation to wheat being made into bread. I’ll break it down for you (pun slightly intended!) as he did…

We (as you guessed) are the wheat. Jesus wants to transform us into bread (something better). But naturally, it’s quite a process.

First, you are cut down. Ouch for my pride!

Then into the thresher we go. Stripping away the stalks from the grain.

Sometimes we’re up in the air in life—not sure where we’re going. Like when wheat is winnowed and tossed into the air for the chaff to be blown away. Not fun, my friends. But keep that finished product in mind!

Ooh, and this next one: grinding the wheat. Whew! Are we done yet?

No, for there’s the kneading. Life pushes us on all sides. We’re beaten down.

But ah! We rise after that. Life is going great! Up, up, up we go…

Only to be punched down! (I wish you could have heard and seen him tell this!)

We’re almost done…but you know the last step…

The oven. It’s hot in there! But the heat is transforming.

Finally, a beautiful loaf of bread that will be nourishing to others is brought forth from it all.

(My brief summary was much less profound and interesting than his storytelling, but you get the idea.)

What a blessing to have this unique and talented man speak, sing, and minister to us. I bought a book by him called Simplicity and look forward to gleaning from that as well. (I just hope it doesn't make me clean out my closet! I love am very fond of my clothes! haha! Have a great weekend, all!)

Wisdom for Wednesdays

Blessed Be the Ordinary!

Resist the inclination to be down on yourself because you think you don't measure up to some other worldly or unrealistic ideal. If ordinary family life was good enough for the Son of God to spend most of his earthly life in, it's good enough for you.

— from Catholic Update Guide to Marriage

A Morning Mess

I woke up before the alarm, crawled out of bed. Put my contacts in puffy eyes, promising them some more sleep when I returned. I poured my cinnamon tea into a travel mug (ignoring the coffeemaker’s lure of more caffeine), grabbed my journal and devotional, and headed to my morning Adoration hour with Jesus.

I was exhausted. The type of over-tired where everything makes you cry, but you’re too tired to even cry.

And the worst thing was that it was my own fault. I choose what fills my calendar days. I allow the busy-ness to infiltrate. I let the prayer time, the quiet time, lapse.

Doing too much. Not doing enough. Thinking too much. Being thoughtless. One by one, the burdens piled up. The guilt.

And because I was displeased, I thought Jesus must surely be displeased with me, too.

The lies we believe.

But His promises are louder.

Come to me, all you who are heavy and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).

He commands us to come. Even, or especially, when we are weary or burdened or sinful. Not because He dismisses our mistakes or excuses our sin. But because He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who Heals. Because He is a loving God, a saving God, a sanctifying God.

He doesn’t ask that I come to Him with everything under control. He just asks that I come to Him. Period. And give Him control. Being open, humble, trusting. That He may work in this messy heart and make it more like His.

So I approached the throne and knelt before this God Who never ceases to amaze me. Empty, sinful, and weary, I came to Him. I ignored the whispered lies that He didn’t want me there with all my imperfections because He has said otherwise (Mark 2:17).

I gave Him my messy heart with its sins and faults and failures.

And He gave me His unconditional, indescribable, life-changing love.

What an exchange.

Hidden Treasure

We have two nursing homes on a side street outside my neighborhood. I love to walk to them for the monthly Catholic Mass with the residents. It stirs me deeply to watch the amazing, selfless priest be Jesus to these people. To see the faith of these residents despite their grim surroundings. The grace is palpable.

This morning was no different.

Fourteen of us gathered around a large wooden table—most in wheelchairs. One woman with labored breathing. Another sleeping with her head drooped so low onto her chest. Two women chatting about when they would go home…while another one sadly stated, “This is my home now.”

But we all came to the table in faith, like the Apostles long ago. Connected by this love for Jesus and His Church.

Deacon D., a resident there himself, read the Gospel today. This man who had lived a life of service, now lives in a nursing home relying on the service of others. He read slowly, sometimes having to pause between a sentence or even a phrase.

But it was beautiful.

And as he read the words of Matthew, chapter 6, I was struck with how appropriate today’s reading applied to these dear people. The Father who sees what is hidden.

These hidden treasures. These faithful people.

They may never again be able to serve at a soup kitchen, sing in a choir, go on a mission trip, or even kneel down to pray.

But they still serve God in their own quiet, hidden way. By the world’s standards, they have nothing left to give. As Christians, we know it’s quite the opposite. Every single one of us, while we have breath, has something to give, something to offer.

And our Father sees in secret. Nothing is lost.

At the conclusion of the Mass, we sang all five verses of Amazing Grace. The feeble voices became strong with this beloved hymn—how sweet the sound. And this precious grace—this grace that transforms the little things we do into gifts for God…this grace that gives meaning to every moment of our lives because we know Him…

It is amazing.

Jesus' Followers

The twelve Apostles of Jesus fascinate me.

They’re so real. So human. And so inspiring.

I love that they are not portrayed as perfect in the Bible. Instead, we’re given glimpses of their moments of confusion, doubt, fear, and pride.

Yet time and time again, they rise above their human tendencies and show extraordinary faith and courage.

Despite their weakness and sin, they kept following Him.

It’s especially incredible when we remember that they didn’t see the whole picture as we do—this story of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection.

The Apostles didn’t see it all—but they lived it. One moment at a time. Never knowing what was coming next.

Despite the uncertainty in their lives, they kept following Him.

They spent three years of their lives at the side of this amazing man with life-changing teachings, watched him perform countless miracles…

Only to then watch him suffer excruciating pain--seemingly helpless and powerless on the cross.

Despite their fear and though they followed from only a distance, still they kept following Him.

On this Holy Saturday, this waiting time between Jesus’ death and His rising, I think about the Apostles and their consistency in following Jesus despite the difficulties. How did they do it? How did they overcome their fear, doubt, and uncertainty? How did they continue to follow despite never-ending obstacles in the path?

By trusting Jesus.

They couldn’t trust in a specific outcome, for who knew what would happen next? There were no guarantees.

But they could trust in who Jesus was, and that He was in control no matter what events occurred. They knew His character. They had spent these years with Him experiencing His love, power, and compassion. They didn’t have to understand all that was going on. They didn’t have to know it would all turn out okay. They could continue to hope and keep following because they knew and trusted their Jesus.

What an awesome example.

I love the Apostles.

Hungry

It's Good Friday. A day of fasting for Catholics around the world.

So I'm hungry.

But it's a good thing. Because it reminds me...

-to be in solidarity with the poor who are hungry every single day.

-just how much time and effort I put into meals and snacks each day; that even food can become an idol.

-that I need to "eat to live, not live to eat." (You know who you are that reminds me of this!)

-not to place so much value on things of this world; to instead seek first the kingdom (Matthew 6:33).

-that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak (Mark 14:38). Fasting purifies us and strengthens us, especially against the Evil One (Mark 9:29).

-to be more aware of my daily habits and the way I spend my time.

-to deny myself and take up my cross as Jesus commanded (Luke 9:23).

-to fill myself with the Bread of Life and be truly satisfied (John 6:35).

Thank you, Lord, for the lessons you show us in fasting.

Before the Resurrection

I passed by a sign outside a church today that read, “Come, celebrate the Risen Lord with us on Sunday.”

That’s wonderful--we should indeed celebrate the glorious rising of our powerful, loving God.

However, it did make me go on to ponder that as beautiful as it is to celebrate the Resurrection, there’s something lacking if we fail to include what happened before the Resurrection.

When that same all-powerful God sweat drops of blood in the garden of Gethsamane the night before He died—His trusted followers sleeping through His agony. When He was beaten and scourged simply to please the people. When He walked a long, bloody path burdened with a rough cross and the weight of our sins. When he hung from a cross, with torn and bruised flesh, nails in the hands that healed so many, sharp thorns stabbing His head. In short, when He was “pierced for our offenses and crushed for our sins” (Isaiah 53:5).

It’s messy and heartwrenching and disturbing to see Jesus like this—“one of those from whom men hide their faces” (Isaiah 53:3).

But it’s true. And He endured it all for us.

I think that remembering and reflecting on those events give us a deeper appreciation of His Resurrection.

It’s so connected. You can’t have one without the other.

Just like you can’t have a sunrise without first having darkness.

Or healing without a wound.

A rainbow without rain.

Spring without winter.

Rejoicing in Jesus’ victory over sin and death (as well as any victories in our own lives) is sweeter and deeper when we remember the pain and suffering endured before it.

Let’s go with the women to the tomb on Sunday and celebrate our Risen Lord with joy and awe. But in the days before, let’s walk with Him on the journey to Calvary. Let’s stand at the foot of the cross, look up at this bleeding, suffering Savior, and see in His eyes a personal, unfathomable, endless love.