Martha, Mary...and Judas

A few sentences in to the Gospel (John chapter 12), I could recognize the story. The one about the dinner with the Apostles where Mary poured the costly perfumed oil on Jesus' feet to show her love for Him. Judas got upset and Jesus rebuked him and praised Mary's act of worship. I read on. Part of me grimaced at the sentence about Martha-- Martha was serving the meal. Always serving and working and doing while Mary sat. Although this wasn't the passage about Martha being too busy, so this time likely she was serving out of love for Jesus.

I usually identify with Martha. I tend to be a do-er, a worker, a list maker, and I feel accomplished by hustling and bustling and getting things done. While I enjoy rest and refreshment and every once in awhile identify with Mary and simply sitting at the Savior's feet, my first inclination is to do. But as I further read the passage with Mary and Martha, I realized that sometimes...I'm neither of them.

I'm Judas.

Mary was sitting at Jesus feet, listening and repenting and loving.

Martha was serving Jesus with love, likely listening to His wisdom with an open ear and heart from the kitchen.

But Judas? Though he was a follower of Jesus, Judas was focused on himself and his own well-being. He tried to be in control. He was upset at things Jesus allowed, like the waste of the costly oil. He was greedy. He didn't trust Jesus for his future but instead took things into his own hands.

Ouch.

I've done all those things. All while proclaiming to follow Jesus. What a painful realization. But you know what? Jesus loved Judas too. He met him in the garden of Gethsemane with a kiss, even though Jesus knew that Judas was about to betray Him. What love, what mercy. 

We all have our Judas moments. But we also have our Mary and Martha moments. By His grace, may we be true followers of Jesus who not only sit at the table with Him, but truly listen and serve and love Him with all that we are and all that we have.

The Story Travelers Bible: A Book Review

Even though G is still an infant, I think it's never too early to contemplate ways we can introduce our Lord Jesus, our Mother Mary, and our beautiful Catholic Faith to her. Books and stories are one of my favorite ways to do that-- and what better book to introduce a little one to Jesus than the Bible?

The Story Travelers Bible is such a cute idea. It's about three modern-day children who go back in time on an adventure tour through the stories and places in the Bible. Set in the same order as the Bible itself, they begin their adventure at the creation of the world and ends with John's vision on the island of Patmos. The book is filled with colorful illustrations, memory verses, and extra 'fun facts' in addition to the Bible stories. It would make a great movie or TV series, but I like that it's a book of stories instead-- just as captivating yet better than screen time. :)

The only things I wasn't crazy about is that because the STB is from a Protestant perspective, there are a few stories that are missing the fullness and beauty in the Catholic faith...the Last Supper, Mary's stories and personal holiness, even some of the typology in the Old Testament. The Catholic Church is so amazing at pulling out the depth of scripture and how intertwined the Old Testament and New Testament are...whereas this Bible reads more of a beginning to end storybook without all the connections present. Still a great book, but I would be hesitant about the few stories that are missing important details. I hope a Catholic publisher comes up with something similar in the coming years. :)

[This book was provided to me by Tyndale at no cost. This review contains my honest and original thoughts.]

Rest

Restless.

That's the word I'd use to describe my daughter last night as I lay in bed beside her, trying to help her fall asleep. She rolled from side to side, played with her tiny toes, chattered with that sweet baby voice, and looked all around in the dusk of the nightlight with those big eyes of hers.

I knew she needed sleep and was avoiding it, so I was determined to wait it out and not stimulate her with any conversation or playtime. I snuggled up close to her and put my arm around her, hoping she would feel soothed enough to settle. She reached out her chubby hand and grabbed my finger.

And within seconds, she quieted. Within minutes, she fell asleep. It was the sweetest thing in the whole world and I melted. What a gift it was to be her safe place, her comforter.

I continued to reflect as I lay there and wondered if I was experiencing some of God's own heart and mind...

Does He watch us lovingly as we move here and there all over the place in our busyness? Does He smile as we converse with each other and explore the world around us?

Does He yearn for us to reach out to Him in our restlessness, so that He can be our safe place, our Comforter?

Let's take His hand today, sweet friends, and find all the love and rest and joy we need.

"The Lord your God is in your midst...He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love." 

-Zephaniah 3:17

Tuesday Talk #3: This Daughter of Eve

It's that time again already! Anyone else feel like the weeks fly by?

What's new with you? What are you excited about this week? Chime in and link up! See details below on our Tuesday Talk party and be sure to link back to at least one of the hostesses!

It all starts in the kitchen with our mugs and muffins.

So this past Saturday a friend and I hosted our second meeting of our women's Bible study. I am so in awe of how God is using it already. We wanted to start out with an intimate group of 8-10 and we're already up to 16 women. Women crave community, don't we? It's so beautiful to see this group of women come together-- single, married, mothers-- and find common ground in our faith walks. Many of them did not know each other at the beginning, but we're already sharing our hearts, our joys and struggles, as we learn about the women of the Old Testament (and munch on muffins and sip warm drinks).

This past month we studied Eve, the first woman, wife, mother. I went in to this chapter thinking of it as an introduction of sorts, a chapter I wanted to "get through" so I could get to the more exciting characters like Esther or the more relevant ones like Sarah with her fertility struggles.

Little did I know, I would relate to Eve a lot more than I realized!

Like mother, like daughter.

As I reflected on the insights of the chapter, the Scripture passages, and the discussion questions, my heart kept opening up more and more to what God wanted to show me.

H. brought pumpkin muffins! Yay!

Eve and I are more alike than I'd ever have guessed.

Do you know why Eve committed that first sin, why she listened to the devil and ate that apple?

Because she didn't trust God.

Her trust in God was weak. She listened to the devil, believed his lies, and then acted. She doubted God's goodness, His providence. She began to see God as One who was withholding good things from her. She allowed Satan to change her view of God instead of speaking truth to herself, of reminding herself of God's promises.

Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so, too.

My trust in God is weak. So often the devil whispers lies to me and causes me to focus on what God is withholding. I doubt His goodness. I doubt His providence. I believe the devil instead of my Heavenly Father. And then I act. I choose selfishness. I avoid prayer. My view of God is distorted.

If only Eve had walked away from the devil's deception. If only she had spoken truth to herself. If only she had sought conversation and time with God, to remember who He is and to hear His reassuring voice drown out the lies.

If only I did that when I'm tempted to doubt, discouragement, sin.

This chapter was so beautiful, so surprisingly insightful. I am Eve's daughter and I see so much of her in me. At the end of the chapter, we were encouraged to make a 'strategy' for building virtue and strength for the moments of temptation. My strategy consisted of five points:

We're outgrowing my living room! :)

1. Remind myself of who I am in Christ.
2. Remember God's goodness and who He is. (My favorite site for the attributes of God!)
3. Develop more discipline in prayer and in my daily life.
4. Seek encouragement through mentors and through visible reminders. (Bible verses in house, car.)
5. Receive grace and strength through the sacraments of the Church. (Give me Jesus in the Eucharist!)





What would your strategy be? Who do you relate to most in the Bible?

The hosts of Tuesday Talk

Beth - Our Pretty Little Girls ~ Michelle - Grammie Time
Keri - Living In This Season  ~ Christina - Waltzing In Beauty
Lauren - Simply Free ~  Becky - BYBMG
Jess and Katie - Sweet Little Ones ~ Whitney - Polka Dotty Place
Laura - Life Is Beautiful ~ Elizabeth - All Kinds Of Things
Sarah - Abiding In Grace ~ Stephanie - Wife Mommy Me
Emily - Morning Motivated Mom

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Join the party, friends, by linking up with your favorite post from the week! Here's the scoop:

An InLinkz Link-up

Wisdom for Wednesdays (we're bringing it back!)

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have had to endure many trials for awhile."

-1 Peter 1:6

When It's Hard to Find the Strength to Go to Him

Yesterday morning, I was reflecting on John chapter 11, specifically verses 17-37. The story of Lazarus' death and when Jesus goes to raise him from the dead. But I wasn't thinking about Lazarus. Or even Jesus.

I was thinking about the sisters.

Their grief and the way they dealt with it. Their friendship with Jesus and how their brother's death affected it.

When their brother was ill, they called upon Jesus because of their faith in Him.

"So the sisters sent word to him, saying, 'Master, the one you love is ill.'"

He stayed two days longer in His current town before traveling to their rescue. Because He knew--He had another plan, one that would bring greater glory to God and greater faith and trust in Him.

In the meantime, Lazarus died. And sometimes the unexpected happens in our own lives, when we've cried out to God time and time again to save us from an outcome, heartache, pain. But it happens anyway. I don't know about you, but I've wrestled with this at times. The question "Why?" Eight months ago, I sat alone in the back of the church during Sunday Mass, overwhelmed by my grief but soaking in the Scripture readings. John 11 was being read and this tiny hidden verse hit me as it had never done before. Because I related to Mary:

"When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him; but Mary sat at home."

Even though I still believe in Him, still trust Him with my mind...I just don't have the strength or the words to pray. I sit there but my heart struggles. Is that okay? If I had greater faith, would I be Martha, going out to meet Jesus, boldly and actively continuing on knowing He will make all things right? Instead, sometimes I can't find the strength to go to Him. I sit at home.

But this is the God we serve, dear friends. The One who doesn't hold our weakness against us, but instead pursues us in our grieving. He seeks us out to heal us, even when we don't have the strength to go out and meet Him. He will come to you. He will call your name.

"When [Martha] had said this, she went and called her sister Mary secretly, saying, 'The teacher is here and is asking for you.'"

So let Him find you as you are. Fall at His feet and tell Him all your fears and doubts. He knows already anyway.

"When Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said to him, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'"

Your tears matter to God.

"When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping, He became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said 'Where have you laid him?' They said to Him, 'Sir, come and see.'

"And Jesus wept."

Even though He knew He was about to perform a miracle, Jesus cried. Our God...wept.

He didn't hold it against Mary that in her grieving she didn't go out to meet Him. He came to her. He cried with her. And then He brought good from bad, beauty from ashes, victory over death.

I texted a girlfriend these verses yesterday because of a heavy cross she is carrying right now. She replied with "God is so good" because she had been meditating on a verse from this very chapter for the past few days!

It stirred me to share my thoughts with you. Because maybe God wants you to know this. That He's not holding it against you if you're struggling in prayer or growth because of pain or suffering in your life. He's meeting you where you are. He's coming to you, sweet friend. Take whatever steps you can to meet Him but He will close the gap. Fall at His feet. He has a beautiful plan for you but for now, He is simply holding you in His arms.

I'm praying for you.


Love,
3

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"The Lord your God will fight for you; you have only to be still."

-Exodus 14:14

What battles are you facing today? Where is God asking you to slow down and be still and trust Him? I'm praying for you, friends!

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting encouragement and good hope through His grace, encourage your hearts and strengthen them in every good deed and word."

 

-2 Thess. 2:16-17

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"Abide in My love...that your joy may be full."

-John 15:9, 11

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer."

 

-Romans 12:12

Go and Be Healed

We stood for the Gospel as we always do at Mass, out of love and respect for the powerful words of Jesus. It was Thanksgiving Day. The church was packed with people who had come to thank the good Giver. I was squished comfortably nestled between my brothers in the pew.

I was thankful. But I was broken. And raw.

My focus was simply on getting through one day at a time, yet the question still lingered.

Where do I go from here?

I don't want to go anywhere. I want my knight to come rescue me...except that my knight broke up with me. That never happens in fairy tales.

Then the priest began to read from the Gospel, from the Book that is better than any fairy tale ever written…

11	On the way to Jerusalem he was passing along between Sama'ria and Galilee.
12	And as he entered a village, he was met by ten lepers, who stood at a distance
13	and lifted up their voices and said, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us."
14	When he saw them he said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests." And as they went they were cleansed.
15	Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice,
16	and he fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving him thanks. Now he was a Samaritan.
17	Then said Jesus, "Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine?
18	Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"
19	And he said to him, "Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well." -Luke 17:11-19

He said to them, "Go." And they went. Then they were healed. They had to step out in faith before they received their healing. Imagine their faith and trust in Jesus...leprosy sores all over them as they began their journey. What if they got to the high priests and the sores were still there? If no healing had taken place? Did they wonder that? Or did they simply trust in Jesus' command to "Go" and know that somehow, some way, as they journeyed...He would heal them.

The lesson wasn't lost on me. In all my pain and confusion and heartache, I wanted to curl up and wait for healing--or answers-- before I kept going. But Jesus asks me to trust Him. To keep going and trust that He is here and that the healing is a process.

It takes faith to 'go' when we're not sure what will happen on the way. It takes faith to walk when we're limping. To stand up when we're bleeding. To trust when we're hurting.

But faith makes us well, Jesus tells us (verse 19).

So we step out in faith and we keep going.

The healing is coming. And the Healer is with us.

Here's my life...broken heart and all...again

God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more
Here's my life.

Even when the tears are falling
When I find I fear the calling
You remind me
Words You've spoken over my life
Promises I've yet to see
You comfort me

 

-"Here's My Life," BarlowGirl

 

 

I could say that having to perform in the Advent drama right after P. broke up with me gave me a welcome distraction from my emotions...

 

But the reality? The tears that flowed down my face during the drama were not from the beautiful words spoken by the woman's testimony.

 

I could say that I'm writing this morning because I need an outlet, that I need to process my thoughts and write them.

 

But the reality? My first tendency is to hide, to not have to see or speak to anyone while this gaping wound exists. Yet my prayer for this blog is to be real, to be authentic. So I share with you my struggle, my pain, and my fight to look for the light in the darkness.

 

I could tell you that as I pushed my emotion-racked body to get out into the sunshine today and run, a wave of fresh endorphins gave me strength and motivation.

 

But the reality? My return from the run was met by a wave of fresh tears.

 

I could make this breakup sound funny and tell you how I watched five N.C.I.S. episodes yesterday and ate Twix Peanut Butter candy bars and Reese's ice cream on the couch (okay, I'm not so depressed that I can't admit that does sound pretty funny and classic).

 

But the reality is I'm broken. I'm crushed. I can't begin to describe or express my pain on this blog. I loved this man with everything in me and my greatest desire (besides following the One I love even more) was to love him, serve him, and support him. What do you do in a situation like this? I really don't know.

 

But what I do know is that even now, even in this place of confusion and pain and intense heartache...there is grace.

 

Grace in the words and actions of friends...the texts, emails, calls. The Psalm chapters A. and D. printed out for me. The Tim Horton's hot apple cider they brought. The tissues and muffins K. brought. Grace in my dad's kiss. My mom's arms. My brothers' love. My sister's tears.

 

Grace in the quiet moments with the Lord last night. Trusting that He is okay with my wordless prayers when I can't speak. That He holds me in the darkness. That He hears every heart-cry and sees every tear. That He weeps with us (John 11:35). That He's bigger than all of this and He sees beyond my vision but promises to stay right beside me through it.

 

Grace in the words of the director of the crisis pregnancy center during our call yesterday about my possible work there (more on that sometime in the future). She gracefully put aside our discussion of that and poured out her love and encouragement and words of hope on me. This amazing, godly woman that I barely know prayed for me and P. --and I felt the Spirit come down upon me with the most comfort and hope I've felt yet.

There are layers upon layers of emotions in this and reasons why I'm hurting. But the bottom line, every time, is that I love him. I love him and I don't want to be apart from him.

 

It will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay. I've probably said "I can't do this" more times than I've said "I will get through this." But in my best moments...I pray with the Psalms...

 

Because you are my helper...

I cling to you;

your strong right hand holds me securely. -Psalm 63:7-8

 

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,

for my hope is in him. -Psalm 62:5

 

He reached down from heaven and rescued me;

He drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemies,

from those who hated me and were too strong for me.

They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,

but the Lord supported me.

He led me to a place of safety;

he rescued me because he delights in me. -Psalm 18:16-19

 

I love you, Lord;

you are my strength. -Psalm 18:1

Steadfast

I sat on the beautiful second-story balcony with my friend K. at the bed-and-breakfast. Dusk was quickly settling on the peaceful Amish hillside. There were no lights for miles, just farmland and barns and white farmhouses in this sweet country of the Plain people.

I unzipped my Bible cover and opened the Word. There was peace in my surroundings but inwardly my heart was hurt and confused and unsettled.

K. had listened to me tearily relay that morning a struggle in my relationship. Misunderstanding. Uncertainty. Tension. (The perfectionist in me hates the messiness in human relationships...but the redeemed child of God in me reminds me that it's okay not to be perfect as long as we belong to the One who is...and that He's pretty amazing at redeeming the messiness).

I opened to Chapter 1 in James. I knew it well--all about doubt and being tossed like waves on the ocean. Yes, this one was fitting for us. Though I don't want to share details, there was some pride in my wounded heart as I chose this chapter tonight. These words were for him, not for me, I thought.

I should know by now that when we read His Word, He usually wants to talk to us...not about other people.

Instead of going right to verse 6 about faith and doubt and such, I started at the beginning. And I felt His Voice deep in my heart, comforting and instructing.

"Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4)

Count it all joy.

The testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Let steadfastness have its full effect.

Steadfastness.

That word kept echoing in my mind and heart. I wasn't loving him steadfastly. I was loving him conditionally. I wasn't loving him as Christ loves us--constantly, unconditionally. Steadfastly. This was my call. I heard it in my heart as clearly as if He had spoken it from the heavens in the clear, starry sky tonight. Not to mull over the details of the messiness. Not to worry or to figure things out or to place blame. But to love. Always to love. As Jesus does. He says that this testing of my faith would help produce that kind of steadfast love in me. And choosing to love steadfastly would in turn "have its full effect," which may not be a change in the situation...but a change in me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He does transform the messiness. Time and time again. So today, months later, as I find myself getting discouraged and in another trial, I remind myself to count it all joy.

And as I catch up with a few friends' blogs on this cozy Sunday afternoon, a little verse sticks out to me at the bottom of my friend Christine's post...James 1:2-4. Thank you, Lord. You always know just what I need.

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer."

-Romans 12:12

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"I will bless you...so that you will be a blessing."

-Genesis 12:2

Wisdom for Wednesdays

Ten Ways to Love

1. Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2. Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3. Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4. Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5. Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6. Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7. Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8. Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9. Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10. Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

-Author Unknown

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"Whoever clings to me I will deliver; whoever knows my name I will set on high. All who call upon me I will answer; I will be with them in distress; I will deliver them and give them honor. With length of days I will satisfy them and show them my saving power."

Psalm 91:14-16

This is for an amazing and inspiring soul in need of prayer. Please lift this person up to the Lord as you read this today. Thank you!

A Morning Mess

I woke up before the alarm, crawled out of bed. Put my contacts in puffy eyes, promising them some more sleep when I returned. I poured my cinnamon tea into a travel mug (ignoring the coffeemaker’s lure of more caffeine), grabbed my journal and devotional, and headed to my morning Adoration hour with Jesus.

I was exhausted. The type of over-tired where everything makes you cry, but you’re too tired to even cry.

And the worst thing was that it was my own fault. I choose what fills my calendar days. I allow the busy-ness to infiltrate. I let the prayer time, the quiet time, lapse.

Doing too much. Not doing enough. Thinking too much. Being thoughtless. One by one, the burdens piled up. The guilt.

And because I was displeased, I thought Jesus must surely be displeased with me, too.

The lies we believe.

But His promises are louder.

Come to me, all you who are heavy and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).

He commands us to come. Even, or especially, when we are weary or burdened or sinful. Not because He dismisses our mistakes or excuses our sin. But because He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who Heals. Because He is a loving God, a saving God, a sanctifying God.

He doesn’t ask that I come to Him with everything under control. He just asks that I come to Him. Period. And give Him control. Being open, humble, trusting. That He may work in this messy heart and make it more like His.

So I approached the throne and knelt before this God Who never ceases to amaze me. Empty, sinful, and weary, I came to Him. I ignored the whispered lies that He didn’t want me there with all my imperfections because He has said otherwise (Mark 2:17).

I gave Him my messy heart with its sins and faults and failures.

And He gave me His unconditional, indescribable, life-changing love.

What an exchange.

Wisdom for Wednesdays

"He said, 'Come.' Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus.
But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!'
Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him..."

Matthew 14:29-31 (emphasis mine)

Free

It was a bright summer morning. I was feeling happy and energetic on my drive to work. My convertible top was down, the sun was warming my face and the wind was dancing through my hair.

Freedom.

I waited at the stoplight, inching my way forward for a right turn and glancing at the oncoming traffic. A large white bus approached, blue wording on the side. As it made its way down the hill and through the intersection, I recognized its logo.

The local correction facility. Jail.

Captivity.

I squinted in the sunlight to see if there were any passengers. Dark silhouettes were scattered throughout the bus as it passed by.

The contrast settled upon me heavily. Just as I was breathing in the fresh morning air and delighting in the freedom of the day, these men and women were being transported in a dark, drab bus to or from prison.

Freedom and captivity crossing at the intersection.

But the crazy thing?

We weren’t so different from each other.

And my heart of hearts knew this as a sobering sorrow filled it.

When ministering to prisoners, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen quipped that the difference between them and him was that he "hadn't been caught!"

How true. We all fall short. We sin. We choose evil over good, dark over light. We turn away from the One who offers freedom.

My Kutless cd spun in the player as I turned onto the road after the bus passed. The lyrics echoed my heartthoughts and I marveled at the timing.

“If you take it all, will my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and take away?”

All this I have, this freedom, is a gift I haven’t earned. This freedom in America. This freedom in Christ.

Blessings.

Did those prisoners grow up in a broken home? Were their crimes born from ignorance, pain, need, despair? What if we switched places? Would my hands stay lifted in praise to a God who is always good no matter what my circumstances?

Grace.

Grace that set me free. Grace that continues to free me from all that holds me captive.

Grace that nudges me to share that freedom with others. With those who do not know the One who shatters chains, opens gates, and pours light in dark places.

So when the sun shines and the wind dances, I praise God for the freedom He has brought into my life in so. many. ways. Yet I also pray that I "not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; [but] rather, serve one another through love" (Galatians 5:13).