A newborn, a toddler, and a homeless man. Never in a million years did I think I'd be living with all three under one roof. Yet here we are.
When my husband originally asked me if we could shelter this man with no family and no money, who had lost a job and would soon have to move out of his current apartment...I said no. I was overwhelmed with a reflux baby, sleep deprivation, and a moody toddler. I could barely find time and energy to take care of our little crew, surely God wasn't calling us to do this and add one more? (I know, I know. So selfish of me when we are so blessed, but I'm keeping it real, y'all.)
But then a couple days later in prayer I knew He was. And so we invited him (or Him? -Matthew 25:40) into our home.
About once a week I start to get panicky about finances and time and energy and how long can we keep doing this. In the middle of last week, I had one of those days. I was on the way to the grocery and just feeling weary and overwhelmed. Not quite discouraged, but just on the brink. I asked God for some sort of sign. He's already given us several affirmations (like the time a family sent us a random gift card in the mail, not even knowing about our guest, that just happened to be the amount I had spent extra on groceries that week) but I felt like I needed a hug from God...a sign that He was with me, He cared, and He would work things out for all of us.
He sent me that sign in the meat section of Aldi's. A lovely middle-aged black woman saw me looking at the chicken prices while my sleeping baby was strapped to my chest in a carrier. She oohed over him and asked a few questions, then when we were going our separate ways she pointedly and emphatically said, "GOD BLESS you honey, and GOD BLESS your baby." Immediately my mind went back to my prayer and I had tears in my eyes as this woman blessed us. I wanted to share it with her but was afraid I'd break down in the grocery and how silly that would look over a simple "God bless you."
Instead I silently prayed for her as I continued through the grocery, encouraged by God reaching out to me through her. After bagging my groceries and heading out to my car, I noticed her getting into her van. She saw me walking through the parking lot and drove over, got out of her car, and started loading my groceries into my trunk. "That way you can get the baby into the car sooner and out of this hot weather," she said.
I knew there was no excuse to not share my story with her now, so I quickly mentioned how I'd prayed for God to reach out to me today and how much it meant that she had been a believer and blessed us in the grocery. Before I could even finish, she wrapped her arms around me and the baby in a big hug and started praying over us. It was so beautiful. The best part was when she prayed:
"Lord, we know that you are at work and going to make everything okay...we know that because of You, everything is already okay."
And then she was gone. And my day was changed.
What an incredible encounter. It was such a powerful reminder that when we ask God to show up, He does. When we ask Him for a hug, sometimes He gives us a real one.
And when we know Him and trust Him in this life, everything is already okay.
*******
(I would love your prayers for our friend...God has found him a job and now we are looking for inexpensive apartment.)
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Saturday, June 23, 2018
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Loved for Who We Are
Teacher's pet. Straight-A student. Valedictorian. Commencement speaker. I was all of them and more growing up...from wowing my kindergarten teacher with handwritten stories to shaking hands with the dean of nursing at my college as she offered me a future job. I'm grateful for these opportunities and accomplishments, but there's a dark side to them.
I grew up addicted to achievement. I craved success, perfectionism, and the resulting praise. I unknowingly became a believer in performance-based acceptance.
When I became a young adult post college, life wasn't quite so simple. You could work hard, research and study incessantly, do all the right things...but success didn't always happen. Life got messy. In a span of a year, I had a broken engagement, a diagnosis that could cause infertility, and had moved out on my own as a result of (what felt like) my parents selling my childhood home out from under me.
I was broken. I didn't understand how all of this could have happened to me when I was doing everything right. That season of life was one of the most painful and one of the most growth...but isn't that the way life goes? I learned so much about the false but deep roots of performance-based acceptance. Feeling broken was the best thing that ever happened to me because all of a sudden I really needed God. And needed grace. I was letting go of the perfect and finding peace. I was seeing my imperfections, my messiness, my lack of control, and my inability to orchestrate life. But I was also experiencing deep mercy, joyful freedom, and powerful unconditional love.
I learned that God loved me for who I was, not what I did.
Fast forward a few years or ten. I fall in love again. I get married. We buy a house. All good gifts from above. I'm grateful. We're surrounded by a large faithful community. Life is good. God is good.
But then we have a miscarriage. More diagnoses and treatment. We go on to have two more beautiful (and living) children. Life happens. The house breaks down. Sometimes the marriage breaks down. Daily life is hard and mundane. Motherhood is hard and taxes me physically, emotionally, mentally. Is life still good? Is God still good? Does God still love me when I'm selfish and whiny and ungrateful for my blessings? Yes, yes He does. You learned this years ago, remember?
But maybe the bigger question is do I still love God?
In the hard moments, I wonder why He doesn't fix things that are broken, heal things that are wounded, give things that are desired, take away things that are unwanted. I don't want to love Him until He does.
And then I realize I only learned part of the lesson ten years before.
In the deep parts of my soul, I realize that perhaps I've learned that God loves me for who I am and not what I do...but that I haven't learned to love Him for who He is instead of what He does (or does not).
If my relationship with Him is merely about the things I want fixed, healed, given, and taken...then my relationship with Him is performance-based acceptance. The very thing I tried so hard to get away from.
He is always good. He is always giver. He is always grace. He deserves every part of my heart and every ounce of my love and more-- simply for who He is. Goodness itself. Love itself. When I focus on who He is, there is no need to focus on what He does or does not. He is enough. His love is enough. And then life is enough once again.
Life is beautiful again.
I grew up addicted to achievement. I craved success, perfectionism, and the resulting praise. I unknowingly became a believer in performance-based acceptance.
When I became a young adult post college, life wasn't quite so simple. You could work hard, research and study incessantly, do all the right things...but success didn't always happen. Life got messy. In a span of a year, I had a broken engagement, a diagnosis that could cause infertility, and had moved out on my own as a result of (what felt like) my parents selling my childhood home out from under me.
I was broken. I didn't understand how all of this could have happened to me when I was doing everything right. That season of life was one of the most painful and one of the most growth...but isn't that the way life goes? I learned so much about the false but deep roots of performance-based acceptance. Feeling broken was the best thing that ever happened to me because all of a sudden I really needed God. And needed grace. I was letting go of the perfect and finding peace. I was seeing my imperfections, my messiness, my lack of control, and my inability to orchestrate life. But I was also experiencing deep mercy, joyful freedom, and powerful unconditional love.
I learned that God loved me for who I was, not what I did.
Fast forward a few years or ten. I fall in love again. I get married. We buy a house. All good gifts from above. I'm grateful. We're surrounded by a large faithful community. Life is good. God is good.
But then we have a miscarriage. More diagnoses and treatment. We go on to have two more beautiful (and living) children. Life happens. The house breaks down. Sometimes the marriage breaks down. Daily life is hard and mundane. Motherhood is hard and taxes me physically, emotionally, mentally. Is life still good? Is God still good? Does God still love me when I'm selfish and whiny and ungrateful for my blessings? Yes, yes He does. You learned this years ago, remember?
But maybe the bigger question is do I still love God?
In the hard moments, I wonder why He doesn't fix things that are broken, heal things that are wounded, give things that are desired, take away things that are unwanted. I don't want to love Him until He does.
And then I realize I only learned part of the lesson ten years before.
In the deep parts of my soul, I realize that perhaps I've learned that God loves me for who I am and not what I do...but that I haven't learned to love Him for who He is instead of what He does (or does not).
If my relationship with Him is merely about the things I want fixed, healed, given, and taken...then my relationship with Him is performance-based acceptance. The very thing I tried so hard to get away from.
He is always good. He is always giver. He is always grace. He deserves every part of my heart and every ounce of my love and more-- simply for who He is. Goodness itself. Love itself. When I focus on who He is, there is no need to focus on what He does or does not. He is enough. His love is enough. And then life is enough once again.
Life is beautiful again.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Something Bigger
I can't do this anymore.
I have thought this thought a thousand times in the past month. When I'm crawling out of bed to nurse a crying babe who just ate less than an hour ago but the burning acid in his throat makes him want comfort food yet again. When I'm sleeping in a chair in the wee hours of the morning because my reflux baby just can't breathe lying down from all the congestion that's accumulated overnight. When I'm starving from breastfeeding hunger and all of a sudden the toddler wants food stat, the dryer is ringing off with good clothes that can't wrinkle, and the newborn wakes up screaming when you thought he'd sleep at least another half hour.
These are such small crosses. So why do they feel so heavy?
Because I haven't slept more than two hours straight in weeks...and I'm lucky if I catch two sets of two hours per night. Sleep deprivation will show you the worst of you. It will take you to mental and emotional depths of despair (you know it, Anne Shirley) that you hadn't known you could reach. Some days you'll feel like a robot, utterly disconnected from everyone you love, even that sweet and precious new baby.
It's hard, guys. It's so hard. I wrestle with the fact that this suffering is so small compared to others. I recently read this book and I can't begin to think of the suffering of those living through WWII, especially in the concentration camps. We don't have chronic or terminal diseases. We've had church family and friends (even blogger friends) shower us with prayers and love and support and meals (someone even paid for an appointment for our son and made me cry with gratitude). For goodness sake, our cross is in the form of a beautiful, beloved child when so many of our friends are suffering from infertility.
But this is me. Stripped of all pride that I'm doing this motherhood thing well and right. I'm simply surviving and hoping for resolution. Hoping for guidance and healing and grace...for my little man's pain-- and for the ugly parts of me that have surfaced in the struggle.
Yet there's the smallest part of me that desperately wants to whisper tentatively that maybe...just maybe...sometimes I am doing this motherhood thing right and well. That the stress arguments with my husband, the resentment that the baby is crying yet again, and the bitterness toward God for not helping us in my timing versus His...that those things happen less often than the smiles and strength (and even a few laughs) between my husband and I as we share the load and remind each other we'll get through this. The times that I snuggle and sing and play with my daughter and my son and feel their soft skin and hold them close and memorize their faces and know that this is true gift. The hundred times I've gently rocked my son close and spoken softly to him telling him that I'm here, I'm here for him in his pain.
In another book I'm reading, Fr. Mike Schmitz speaks of the importance of remembering in our suffering that we are part of something bigger. Even in the most isolated crosses, we are a part of a larger plan and those crosses can have meaning and purpose. Nothing is wasted. We must have hope in this. Not a false optimism but a deep, abiding hope that God is with us in the hardest moment and He is bringing us through it. That He is using it for greater good. Not in our way or our time, but His. And He is good.
So I hold on to that. In the hard moments that I cannot think straight from fatigue and the days feel like a blur of caring for these tiny humans and figuring out how to help one of them feel better, I will remember that we are part of something bigger. My children will grow up to (hopefully) contribute to this world and be with all of us and the Lord in the next. Our little home is a launching pad for a mission we cannot see during these days. Only God knows. But He is with us and He is at work. We may not see Him center stage during our sufferings, but we can trust He is behind the scenes.
Monday, October 30, 2017
What NOT to say when someone has a miscarriage
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I've tried to post a little something during this month each year in honor of our baby we miscarried two years ago.
As I reflected on miscarriage this month, I realized how incredibly difficult it is not only because of the grief you experience on a personal level, but because of our culture's confusion and insensitivity when it comes to life in the womb. If someone wants an abortion, our culture denies that the baby is a person, a human life, a unique individual. We callously state it's all about a woman's body and it's her choice and no one should judge or have specific opinions about it. We close off the matter entirely from each other. It's no wonder when a woman has a miscarriage, the world has no idea how to comfort her or how to offer respect and condolence for the unique little life she has just lost.
People say a lot of stupid things to a woman who has miscarried. And sometimes they say nothing at all. Here are four things NOT to say to someone who has a miscarriage...and a few thoughts on what you could do or say instead.
1) At least you can get pregnant and can have more kids. / At least you already have ___ number of kids.
These two go hand in hand depending on when your miscarriage occurred-- your first or somewhere down the line. Again this is our culture's predominant view on life in the womb-- that it's replaceable. One pregnancy is as good as another. Yet what a huge miss of the mark! Every conception results in a human being with unique DNA that has never been before and will never be repeated again. This is a unique human life. When a woman loses that life within her, she knows intuitively it cannot be replaced or repeated. That child was unique and the parents will never get to know him or her in this life. What to say instead: I'm so sorry for your loss. Acknowledge that this unique child's death was indeed a great loss, not something to be brushed over or replaced by other children. There are many organizations that sell sweet jewelry with a birthstone or engravings...these would make beautiful gifts to acknowledge the uniqueness of this child.
2) At least you were only ____ weeks along.
I get it. I get the sentiment behind this. We often think that the longer we know someone (or carry them beneath our hearts), the deeper we love them and the greater the loss. But you know what? Sometimes the earliest losses can be so deeply painful because we didn't get to have those moments and memories and we'll always wonder what might have been. This statement also suggests that human life becomes more valuable the bigger and older a child gets (something we see a lot of in abortion discussions...scary how much that has seeped into our view of life in general). I remember after our early loss having such a deep, tangible pain because my body was no longer carrying our child...I wanted so desperately to have more days, more weeks knowing he was alive beneath my heart. What to say instead: I'm so sorry for your loss. Sensing a trend here? It's always appropriate to give heartfelt, sincere condolences. A dear friend also asked my due date and remembered on the very date many months later to reach out to me-- that was so touching and amazing and rare.
3) Heaven needed an angel.
This one drives me nuts for a couple reasons. First of all, humans don't become angels when they die. We become saints (hopefully if we go to heaven, that is.). I know it's cute to think of babies with angel wings but it's just not theologically sound or true. It sounds trite and superficial, however well-meaning it may be. The other thing is that heaven doesn't need anything or anyone. We don't understand God's ways or timing, so let's not assume we know that a mother lost her child because heaven needed it up there. ;) What to say instead...This may actually differ depending on your faith background. As Catholics, we believe in the Communion of Saints-- that those who die and go to heaven can pray for us from heaven in the same way we pray for each other on earth. So we believe that our miscarried children (knowing we would have baptized them had they lived) are in heaven, waiting for us and praying for us. For me, this was comforting to have others acknowledge. It further showed their respect for the tiny soul that had once been inside me, that my child's soul was eternal and his life has eternal significance despite the too short time on earth.
4) Everything happens for a reason.
While it's true we have a sovereign God and nothing happens without first passing through His loving hand, this statement is so cliche and feels superficial. Kind of like something that someone says when they don't know what else to say. It's like a "shrug it off" type of statement. The truth is that we don't know why bad things happen sometimes...children die, people get cancer, hurricanes devastate. Yes, God is in control, but we also live in a fallen, broken world because of sin. So sometimes things happen that would not have been in God's perfect will. Yes, He permits them but He doesn't always cause things to happen because He had a "specific reason." Personally, I find much more comfort, strength, and hope in Romans 8:28 (an actual Bible verse instead of a cliche *wink*): "And we know that in all these things God works for good for those who love Him." We don't know why things happen, but we do know He will bring good from them. He is the Redeemer of all people and all things. What to say instead: God is with you in this. God weeps with you. God will bring grace in the midst of suffering.
I hope this has been helpful on ways that we can weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15). Miscarriage is such a silent cross in our country. Don't be afraid to step forward with your time and your presence to someone experiencing one. Acknowledge their loss. Offer a meal or treat. Give a gift of remembrance. And best of all, remember their child through the years by mentioning it on or near the miscarriage date or due date.
Every single person is created unique and unrepeatable by our good God. You are. Your friends are. And every tiny person in the womb.
As I reflected on miscarriage this month, I realized how incredibly difficult it is not only because of the grief you experience on a personal level, but because of our culture's confusion and insensitivity when it comes to life in the womb. If someone wants an abortion, our culture denies that the baby is a person, a human life, a unique individual. We callously state it's all about a woman's body and it's her choice and no one should judge or have specific opinions about it. We close off the matter entirely from each other. It's no wonder when a woman has a miscarriage, the world has no idea how to comfort her or how to offer respect and condolence for the unique little life she has just lost.
People say a lot of stupid things to a woman who has miscarried. And sometimes they say nothing at all. Here are four things NOT to say to someone who has a miscarriage...and a few thoughts on what you could do or say instead.
1) At least you can get pregnant and can have more kids. / At least you already have ___ number of kids.
These two go hand in hand depending on when your miscarriage occurred-- your first or somewhere down the line. Again this is our culture's predominant view on life in the womb-- that it's replaceable. One pregnancy is as good as another. Yet what a huge miss of the mark! Every conception results in a human being with unique DNA that has never been before and will never be repeated again. This is a unique human life. When a woman loses that life within her, she knows intuitively it cannot be replaced or repeated. That child was unique and the parents will never get to know him or her in this life. What to say instead: I'm so sorry for your loss. Acknowledge that this unique child's death was indeed a great loss, not something to be brushed over or replaced by other children. There are many organizations that sell sweet jewelry with a birthstone or engravings...these would make beautiful gifts to acknowledge the uniqueness of this child.
2) At least you were only ____ weeks along.
I get it. I get the sentiment behind this. We often think that the longer we know someone (or carry them beneath our hearts), the deeper we love them and the greater the loss. But you know what? Sometimes the earliest losses can be so deeply painful because we didn't get to have those moments and memories and we'll always wonder what might have been. This statement also suggests that human life becomes more valuable the bigger and older a child gets (something we see a lot of in abortion discussions...scary how much that has seeped into our view of life in general). I remember after our early loss having such a deep, tangible pain because my body was no longer carrying our child...I wanted so desperately to have more days, more weeks knowing he was alive beneath my heart. What to say instead: I'm so sorry for your loss. Sensing a trend here? It's always appropriate to give heartfelt, sincere condolences. A dear friend also asked my due date and remembered on the very date many months later to reach out to me-- that was so touching and amazing and rare.
3) Heaven needed an angel.
This one drives me nuts for a couple reasons. First of all, humans don't become angels when they die. We become saints (hopefully if we go to heaven, that is.). I know it's cute to think of babies with angel wings but it's just not theologically sound or true. It sounds trite and superficial, however well-meaning it may be. The other thing is that heaven doesn't need anything or anyone. We don't understand God's ways or timing, so let's not assume we know that a mother lost her child because heaven needed it up there. ;) What to say instead...This may actually differ depending on your faith background. As Catholics, we believe in the Communion of Saints-- that those who die and go to heaven can pray for us from heaven in the same way we pray for each other on earth. So we believe that our miscarried children (knowing we would have baptized them had they lived) are in heaven, waiting for us and praying for us. For me, this was comforting to have others acknowledge. It further showed their respect for the tiny soul that had once been inside me, that my child's soul was eternal and his life has eternal significance despite the too short time on earth.
4) Everything happens for a reason.
While it's true we have a sovereign God and nothing happens without first passing through His loving hand, this statement is so cliche and feels superficial. Kind of like something that someone says when they don't know what else to say. It's like a "shrug it off" type of statement. The truth is that we don't know why bad things happen sometimes...children die, people get cancer, hurricanes devastate. Yes, God is in control, but we also live in a fallen, broken world because of sin. So sometimes things happen that would not have been in God's perfect will. Yes, He permits them but He doesn't always cause things to happen because He had a "specific reason." Personally, I find much more comfort, strength, and hope in Romans 8:28 (an actual Bible verse instead of a cliche *wink*): "And we know that in all these things God works for good for those who love Him." We don't know why things happen, but we do know He will bring good from them. He is the Redeemer of all people and all things. What to say instead: God is with you in this. God weeps with you. God will bring grace in the midst of suffering.
I hope this has been helpful on ways that we can weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15). Miscarriage is such a silent cross in our country. Don't be afraid to step forward with your time and your presence to someone experiencing one. Acknowledge their loss. Offer a meal or treat. Give a gift of remembrance. And best of all, remember their child through the years by mentioning it on or near the miscarriage date or due date.
Every single person is created unique and unrepeatable by our good God. You are. Your friends are. And every tiny person in the womb.
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
The Work of Creating a Home
There's no place like home. A safe, comfy, beautiful haven where we can let our guards down, relax, and enjoy ourselves. Where we can make memories with loved ones. Where we can be refreshed before going back out into the crazy and chaotic world.
But now that I stay at home full time with a baby-turning-toddler, I'm realizing how much work it takes to keep our home a haven! Oddly enough, it seems that the more often I'm home, the harder it is to keep it clean, warm, loving, and welcoming!
This past weekend was one of those where I was shamefully nitpicky to my poor husband. To be honest, weekends at home can be challenging for me these days. I've spent a long week of making and cleaning up messes and taking care of G, but my husband has spent a long week of working hard as director for his ministries. We're both exhausted but there are still meals to be made, messes to be cleaned, and a mini energizer bunny to keep up with. There's a tension inside me know both he and I desire a break, so who deserves it more?? (I know, I know. I'm not proud of these feelings, just keeping it real!). If I see him lying on the couch, I feel resentment building up inside, thinking he should be helping me do all the work around the house (and don't get me wrong, he often does help!).
Yet one day as I was driving alone in the car, I was reflecting on the situation and a totally different perspective settled in. Yes, it's a lot of work to create a home, but it's also a blessing to have that as a job! Like any job, there are exhausting moments, discouragement, frustration, and such. But what a satisfying feeling to know that because of your efforts, other feel comforted, welcomed, and restful. When my husband is lying on the couch, it's not that he's being lazy. It's that my efforts to create our home have given him a safe space to rejuvenate after his long days working hard in ministry. What a gift that I can provide that for him! It's so funny how just a change in perspective can change your whole attitude. Seeing things this way helps me to see my work as a gift, a privilege, even *gasp* a joy. It's rewarding to know that even the most mundane work that I do (dishes, laundry, meals) is sustaining a life-giving place for my loved ones to flourish. While my husband will continue to help me around the house (grateful!) and while self-care and my needs are certainly an important balance to have with homemaking, I'm finding a renewed energy in my role. Instead of seeing the endless and monotonous, I'm seeing purpose and art.
Whether we're single, married, or mothers...whether we live in an apartment or house...whether we have lots of money or very little...I believe all women have the gift of an innate ability to create a home with beauty, comfort, and security. What are your favorite ways to create 'home' in your space?
But now that I stay at home full time with a baby-turning-toddler, I'm realizing how much work it takes to keep our home a haven! Oddly enough, it seems that the more often I'm home, the harder it is to keep it clean, warm, loving, and welcoming!
This past weekend was one of those where I was shamefully nitpicky to my poor husband. To be honest, weekends at home can be challenging for me these days. I've spent a long week of making and cleaning up messes and taking care of G, but my husband has spent a long week of working hard as director for his ministries. We're both exhausted but there are still meals to be made, messes to be cleaned, and a mini energizer bunny to keep up with. There's a tension inside me know both he and I desire a break, so who deserves it more?? (I know, I know. I'm not proud of these feelings, just keeping it real!). If I see him lying on the couch, I feel resentment building up inside, thinking he should be helping me do all the work around the house (and don't get me wrong, he often does help!).
Yet one day as I was driving alone in the car, I was reflecting on the situation and a totally different perspective settled in. Yes, it's a lot of work to create a home, but it's also a blessing to have that as a job! Like any job, there are exhausting moments, discouragement, frustration, and such. But what a satisfying feeling to know that because of your efforts, other feel comforted, welcomed, and restful. When my husband is lying on the couch, it's not that he's being lazy. It's that my efforts to create our home have given him a safe space to rejuvenate after his long days working hard in ministry. What a gift that I can provide that for him! It's so funny how just a change in perspective can change your whole attitude. Seeing things this way helps me to see my work as a gift, a privilege, even *gasp* a joy. It's rewarding to know that even the most mundane work that I do (dishes, laundry, meals) is sustaining a life-giving place for my loved ones to flourish. While my husband will continue to help me around the house (grateful!) and while self-care and my needs are certainly an important balance to have with homemaking, I'm finding a renewed energy in my role. Instead of seeing the endless and monotonous, I'm seeing purpose and art.
Whether we're single, married, or mothers...whether we live in an apartment or house...whether we have lots of money or very little...I believe all women have the gift of an innate ability to create a home with beauty, comfort, and security. What are your favorite ways to create 'home' in your space?
Sunday, May 14, 2017
What I've Learned About Motherhood
The bad news: You are not in control.
The good news: God is in control, and He loves your children even more than you do-- and He loves you, too.
The end.
Haha! I was going to make this a long post and as I sat down to write, I felt like these two 'news pieces' just summed it all up! ;)
Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas-- including the spiritual ones, the grieving ones, the yet-to-be ones, the lonely ones, the perfect ones. Oh wait, not the last one. There's no such thing. ;)
Thank you, Jesus, for this precious gift of motherhood, for my child in heaven and my daughter on earth. May I become more and more like you through it and lead my children to you.
The good news: God is in control, and He loves your children even more than you do-- and He loves you, too.
The end.
Haha! I was going to make this a long post and as I sat down to write, I felt like these two 'news pieces' just summed it all up! ;)
Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas-- including the spiritual ones, the grieving ones, the yet-to-be ones, the lonely ones, the perfect ones. Oh wait, not the last one. There's no such thing. ;)
Thank you, Jesus, for this precious gift of motherhood, for my child in heaven and my daughter on earth. May I become more and more like you through it and lead my children to you.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Balance
Ah, that elusive word. Balance. Truly it's as hard to achieve it in daily living as it is on the tightrope.
How do I stay in the present moment while also being prudent in planning for the future (meals, schedules, goals, etc)?
How do I pour myself out for my primary vocation-- my family-- while sustaining myself with self-care and other friendships?
How do I invest in those friendships without spreading myself too thin or being resentful that I have less time for friends with family life?
How do I enjoy the community of social media without getting addicted or using it in place of other more worthwhile endeavors?
How do I meet my baby's needs without sheltering her or smothering her?
How do I choose a healthy lifestyle without going crazy and getting obsessed about all the health dangers in our world?
How do I learn from others without comparing myself to them?
How do I learn and grow from books and articles and research yet not become too dependent on them to leave room for surrender, grace, and originality in my spiritual life, marriage, parenting, and relationships?
Oh, balance. I try so hard to find you but sometimes it feels like I'm always swaying to one side or the other in the attempt.
Sweet friends, where are you seeking balance in your life right now? And how are you finding it?
How do I stay in the present moment while also being prudent in planning for the future (meals, schedules, goals, etc)?
How do I pour myself out for my primary vocation-- my family-- while sustaining myself with self-care and other friendships?
How do I invest in those friendships without spreading myself too thin or being resentful that I have less time for friends with family life?
How do I enjoy the community of social media without getting addicted or using it in place of other more worthwhile endeavors?
How do I meet my baby's needs without sheltering her or smothering her?
How do I choose a healthy lifestyle without going crazy and getting obsessed about all the health dangers in our world?
How do I learn from others without comparing myself to them?
How do I learn and grow from books and articles and research yet not become too dependent on them to leave room for surrender, grace, and originality in my spiritual life, marriage, parenting, and relationships?
Oh, balance. I try so hard to find you but sometimes it feels like I'm always swaying to one side or the other in the attempt.
Sweet friends, where are you seeking balance in your life right now? And how are you finding it?
Monday, March 27, 2017
Connected: Halfway Through Lent
So I don't actually know if we're halfway through Lent, but I'm thinking we're several weeks in and
we're still several weeks away from Easter.
One of my fasts (who am I kidding? Pretty much my only fast ;) ) was from social media. It's been such an interesting time. On one hand, I find myself with more mental space and energy and just time in general. I like feeling more in the present moment instead of feeling 'caught' with my phone in hand when my husband or daughter are around. I like feeling more available in the here and now. I just feel more free and relaxed and focused in the moment, which is beautiful and makes me contemplate and question how much of social media I want to allow back into my life when Easter comes.
But there's something unexpected that I realize I'm missing lately.
Connection.
Not the connection of knowing who's doing what and when. Not the nosy scrolling on Facebook. Not the competitive scrolling on Pinterest to stay connected to what's in and what's out. Not even the connection to giveaways on Instagram (um...actually I take that back. I'm a sucker for giveaways.)
But I'm missing the relational connection, connection with other women friends. The community that's found through social media. With staying at home full-time, it's encouraging to see other friends, moms, and just women in general living life and the little moments they're cherishing. I often felt refreshed and rejuvenated by those connections.
So what's a girl to do? Do I conclude that the benefits of social media outweigh the negatives?
Maybe. But Lent is not over so I'm not ready for conclusions. There are a few lessons I feel the Lord is teaching me...and it's not quite about the benefits of social media.
I'm learning we all need connection. Especially women. We live so isolated today compared to how families and villages used to live in community. This can feel especially lonely in the child-raising years when it's a little harder to get out of the house (though the single years can feel really isolated too!). So we turn toward social media-- facebook groups, instagram friends, etc. And while this can be good, it can't replace the "IRL" relationships...the real, face-to-face, in-the-flesh friendships that we're meant to cultivate. So I'm allowing this time of missing my online connections to nudge me to seek out real-life ones. I'm taking walks with my neighbor, texting friends when I need encouragement, inviting friends to visit even when my house is messy.
Honestly, it takes some motivation to reach out and connect in real life. It's so much easier to click on an app when I need connection and sign out when I'm 'filled'. But that's not the tidy, selfish way relationships are meant to be. They're meant to be a little inconvenient. They're meant to draw us out of ourselves and make us a little uncomfortable. That's what it takes to learn to be real and to grow...and we can't do that online no matter how much we preach authenticity in our profiles and bios. We're still editing and concealing and subconsciously choosing what we present. We're missing out on the raw beauty of an up-close-and-personal, messy-hair-day, don't-have-it-all-together-but-I'm-here kind of friendship.
I'm also learning that when we crave connection...it might just go a little deeper than even real-life relationships. At our very core, we desire friendship with God. And even more, He desires that with us. Have you ever heard the saying, "Loneliness is God's cry for intimacy and friendship time with you."? The beauty and vulnerability in that gets me every time. We're so quick to fill our loneliness with social media or friends or spouses or even kids. I know my greater instinct when I'm lonely is to call my mom or sister, or spend time with my husband or girlfriends. But this Lent I'm trying to make my first instinct to be to seek out the Lord, my greatest Friend. He is the only one who can ever truly fill my aches and desires and needs, so why not go to Him first? I want intimacy and friendship and connection with Him...and knowing He wants that with me is all the more inviting.
Join me these next few weeks to pause when we're feeling lonely or craving connection? Let's seek God first and spend time with Him, and then ask Him what relationships around us in real life we can cultivate to grow the abundant grace of rich and lasting friendships. He's the perfect Friend, and growing in friendship with Him will teach and guide us to be better friends to those around us.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
The Freshness of the New Year
I love new years. I love the clean-slate, fresh-start, begin-again feeling of them. It's probably the recovering perfectionist in me...I like getting rid of the messiness and feeling like there's a chance I'll get it right this year. ;) But at the same time, I think the writer and the optimist in me also like new years...there's an exciting and hopeful anticipation of what might be written on its pages...of the ways I'll grow and change and learn.
This year I did NOT make any specific resolutions, which is a big change for me! I did, however, choose a word and a saint (more on those below). Instead of a specific resolution, I have these lofty and vague (and never-ending?) goals for organizing life, haha. Mainly: organizing my home and organizing my time.
For our home, we've only lived her less than two years but we also were both single living on our own for several years before marriage, so we've collected quite a bit that just isn't necessary in our home. I really want to clean out and minimize and donate a LOT so that our daily lives are less cluttered and materialistic.
For my time, I'm all about the idea of routines and schedules. I see the necessity of them with having a baby because otherwise I would feel like all I get done in a day is dinner and diapers (which is nothing to sneeze at, my hubby reminds me ;) ). Yet I also see the need to have LOOSE schedules and routines so that I'm not constantly trying to abide by a schedule that just doesn't fit this season. I'm learning to just watch the rhythm of my days right now and utilize certain chunks of time for work and purposely rest/read/pray during others.
As far as my word for the year, I really wasn't planning on choosing one, but on the last day of 2016 my devotional encouraged me to choose a word...or rather to pray over it as I read the scriptures for the day. The Gospel was one of my favorites-- John chapter 1-- and the word grace reached out to me and I happily received it.
I want to live like Mary-- full of grace-- in my daily life. I want to look for the grace God sends each day, even in the mundane. I want to be graceful and gracious to others. Grace means gift and that's what each moment of my life holds...grace and gift from God if I have to eyes to see it and the heart to treasure it.
Last but not least, I enjoy the Saints Name Generator from Jen Fulwiler and this year's saint for me was Saint Bernadette! I know her general story but I look forward to learning more about her and the ways God may inspire me from her life, as well as to her prayerful intercession to help me become the woman God wants me to be this year!
What are your goals or resolutions for the year? Did you choose a word or a saint?
This year I did NOT make any specific resolutions, which is a big change for me! I did, however, choose a word and a saint (more on those below). Instead of a specific resolution, I have these lofty and vague (and never-ending?) goals for organizing life, haha. Mainly: organizing my home and organizing my time.
For our home, we've only lived her less than two years but we also were both single living on our own for several years before marriage, so we've collected quite a bit that just isn't necessary in our home. I really want to clean out and minimize and donate a LOT so that our daily lives are less cluttered and materialistic.
For my time, I'm all about the idea of routines and schedules. I see the necessity of them with having a baby because otherwise I would feel like all I get done in a day is dinner and diapers (which is nothing to sneeze at, my hubby reminds me ;) ). Yet I also see the need to have LOOSE schedules and routines so that I'm not constantly trying to abide by a schedule that just doesn't fit this season. I'm learning to just watch the rhythm of my days right now and utilize certain chunks of time for work and purposely rest/read/pray during others.
As far as my word for the year, I really wasn't planning on choosing one, but on the last day of 2016 my devotional encouraged me to choose a word...or rather to pray over it as I read the scriptures for the day. The Gospel was one of my favorites-- John chapter 1-- and the word grace reached out to me and I happily received it.
I want to live like Mary-- full of grace-- in my daily life. I want to look for the grace God sends each day, even in the mundane. I want to be graceful and gracious to others. Grace means gift and that's what each moment of my life holds...grace and gift from God if I have to eyes to see it and the heart to treasure it.
Last but not least, I enjoy the Saints Name Generator from Jen Fulwiler and this year's saint for me was Saint Bernadette! I know her general story but I look forward to learning more about her and the ways God may inspire me from her life, as well as to her prayerful intercession to help me become the woman God wants me to be this year!
What are your goals or resolutions for the year? Did you choose a word or a saint?
Thursday, December 1, 2016
This.
This post written by Jenny pretty much sums up how I've been feeling about social media lately. It's been long coming, and there's a part of me that fights it, but I've given up Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest during this Advent season-- and I've already seen a huge difference in my ability to be present, to be content, to be truly connected to people.
My hubby uses social media for his job, but is only checking it twice a day during Advent. We also decided to turn the TV off during 8-9pm and we've used that hour as a somewhat sacred hour to talk, pray, and read. Neither one of us would have said we're addicted or obsessed with social media but it's amazing to see the results of intentionally 'unplugging.' We've struggled to find time to pray together but all of a sudden we have a whole hour conducive to it.
I'm entering into moments more fully-- the good, the bad, and the ugly-- and it's freeing. Is this the right step for everyone? I don't know, I just know it's right for me in this season. To focus on my husband, my daughter, my family, my co-workers, my friends, even the people God sends into my particular sphere (like the single momma I wrote about). I feel more peace living small. I hear God more in the silence. I see reality more clearly without a screen.
It's hard to let go sometimes in a world that praises quantity more than quality. That esteems busyness and accomplishments over solitude and soul-work. But my book club chapter this month spoke of listening well when God speaks twice. And I just feel like He's continuing to speak to me about the value of an unplugged, hidden life lived well. We'll see where He takes my small offering this Advent...
My hubby uses social media for his job, but is only checking it twice a day during Advent. We also decided to turn the TV off during 8-9pm and we've used that hour as a somewhat sacred hour to talk, pray, and read. Neither one of us would have said we're addicted or obsessed with social media but it's amazing to see the results of intentionally 'unplugging.' We've struggled to find time to pray together but all of a sudden we have a whole hour conducive to it.
I'm entering into moments more fully-- the good, the bad, and the ugly-- and it's freeing. Is this the right step for everyone? I don't know, I just know it's right for me in this season. To focus on my husband, my daughter, my family, my co-workers, my friends, even the people God sends into my particular sphere (like the single momma I wrote about). I feel more peace living small. I hear God more in the silence. I see reality more clearly without a screen.
It's hard to let go sometimes in a world that praises quantity more than quality. That esteems busyness and accomplishments over solitude and soul-work. But my book club chapter this month spoke of listening well when God speaks twice. And I just feel like He's continuing to speak to me about the value of an unplugged, hidden life lived well. We'll see where He takes my small offering this Advent...
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Tuesday Talk #58: The {Social} Media
I'm in one of those anti-media moods.
Not anti-media, as in all the election-crazy news people. But anti-social media...
My hubby says I tend to be all in or all out. That I go on these media fasts and wash my hands of it...and then binge. Lol. Maybe so.
But lately I'm just questioning it all. I think it's motherhood, honestly. For a lot of reasons.
I have a lot of single friends and I remember being single. I don't want to be the blog/FB/instagram post that makes them feel alone.
I have a lot of friends that struggle with infertility. I don't want to be the baby picture post that cuts deeper into an ever-present wound. I remember that wound.
I want to be real and post the hard times. But I also want to be respectful of the other people in my life-- my husband and child-- and not share their stories that are so intertwined with mine.
And the final reason is life is so good and precious right now that I find myself less entranced by social media...and even disgusted when I find myself wasting time on it. The moments when I'm checking my phone and I look down and see my daughter watching me. These years are fleeting and it's not worth being distracted from the gifts God has placed in the here and now. My brain is fried enough from lack of sleep and baby care, I don't need to fry it more with technology. ;)
Even if that means life gets a little smaller.
Part of me is craving the small and simple. I don't need more FB friends; I need to pour more into my current friends. I don't need more decor or recipe ideas; I need to simply use what I have and my own creativity. I don't even need to document my moments with Instagram; remember those days when I actually printed out pictures and scrapbooked?
These are the thoughts mulling around in my brain these days. I have a feeling they're going to give birth to a decision in a few weeks as Advent begins. My favorite Church season. It's all about the small and the simple.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to do something drastic. Like give up all social media for the month. Maybe I'll even call it the Old-Fashioned Christmas experiment.
Social media has completely and undeniably changed our lives-- and our brains. I'm just not sure I want to be part of that anymore even if I'm missing out on some of the good stuff of it. The reality is that while we may be missing out on things if we don't have social media...more and more I'm being convinced that we're also missing out on things if we do.
What do you think about social media? Am I being crazy?
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Not anti-media, as in all the election-crazy news people. But anti-social media...
My hubby says I tend to be all in or all out. That I go on these media fasts and wash my hands of it...and then binge. Lol. Maybe so.
But lately I'm just questioning it all. I think it's motherhood, honestly. For a lot of reasons.
I have a lot of single friends and I remember being single. I don't want to be the blog/FB/instagram post that makes them feel alone.
I have a lot of friends that struggle with infertility. I don't want to be the baby picture post that cuts deeper into an ever-present wound. I remember that wound.
I want to be real and post the hard times. But I also want to be respectful of the other people in my life-- my husband and child-- and not share their stories that are so intertwined with mine.
And the final reason is life is so good and precious right now that I find myself less entranced by social media...and even disgusted when I find myself wasting time on it. The moments when I'm checking my phone and I look down and see my daughter watching me. These years are fleeting and it's not worth being distracted from the gifts God has placed in the here and now. My brain is fried enough from lack of sleep and baby care, I don't need to fry it more with technology. ;)
Even if that means life gets a little smaller.
Part of me is craving the small and simple. I don't need more FB friends; I need to pour more into my current friends. I don't need more decor or recipe ideas; I need to simply use what I have and my own creativity. I don't even need to document my moments with Instagram; remember those days when I actually printed out pictures and scrapbooked?
These are the thoughts mulling around in my brain these days. I have a feeling they're going to give birth to a decision in a few weeks as Advent begins. My favorite Church season. It's all about the small and the simple.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to do something drastic. Like give up all social media for the month. Maybe I'll even call it the Old-Fashioned Christmas experiment.
Social media has completely and undeniably changed our lives-- and our brains. I'm just not sure I want to be part of that anymore even if I'm missing out on some of the good stuff of it. The reality is that while we may be missing out on things if we don't have social media...more and more I'm being convinced that we're also missing out on things if we do.
What do you think about social media? Am I being crazy?
Want to join this week's link up? Grab our button below and link back to one of the hosts!
Jessica at Sweet Little Ones | Pinterest | Facebook | Instagram
Crystal at Hall Around Texas | Pinterest | Facebook | Instagram
Crystal at Hall Around Texas | Pinterest | Facebook | Instagram
Christina at Waltzing In Beauty | Pinterest | Instagram
Meghan at The Adventure Starts Here | Pinterest | Facebook | Instagram
Meghan at The Adventure Starts Here | Pinterest | Facebook | Instagram
You can join us on Pinterest, too!
Follow Sweet Little Ones's board Tuesday Talk Features on Pinterest.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Currently // vol. 3
February was a fast but fabulous month! March is looking to be pretty fabulous as well. Here's what I'm currently up to these past few and the coming weeks...
wishing // this gorgeous, sunshine-y weather would mean spring is here. We've had such a mild winter, I don't necessarily have cabin fever, it's just that I can't wait to be outside more often!
craving // healthy things and it's wonderful! (No more gummy fruit snacks or Frank's red hot sauce poured on tortilla chips.) My favorite things to eat right now are roasted asparagus and a salad of spring greens, strawberries, pecans, cheese and poppyseed dressing.
going // to visit my little brother's new house this weekend. So excited for him on the journey of home ownership, and to see all the renovations he'd done (or planned) so far. (although I'm still sad he didn't buy the house in our neighborhood...how amazing would that have been!)
wearing // most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and wondering where baby is hiding in there.
learning // that my fears and anxieties about this pregnancy are simply evidence that learning to trust in God no matter what is a lifelong lesson, it just looks a little different each season. Thank goodness He's so patient with me.
Would love to hear what you're currently up to! Visit Anne or Jenna for the Currently link-up!
wishing // this gorgeous, sunshine-y weather would mean spring is here. We've had such a mild winter, I don't necessarily have cabin fever, it's just that I can't wait to be outside more often!
craving // healthy things and it's wonderful! (No more gummy fruit snacks or Frank's red hot sauce poured on tortilla chips.) My favorite things to eat right now are roasted asparagus and a salad of spring greens, strawberries, pecans, cheese and poppyseed dressing.
going // to visit my little brother's new house this weekend. So excited for him on the journey of home ownership, and to see all the renovations he'd done (or planned) so far. (although I'm still sad he didn't buy the house in our neighborhood...how amazing would that have been!)
wearing // most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and wondering where baby is hiding in there.
learning // that my fears and anxieties about this pregnancy are simply evidence that learning to trust in God no matter what is a lifelong lesson, it just looks a little different each season. Thank goodness He's so patient with me.
Would love to hear what you're currently up to! Visit Anne or Jenna for the Currently link-up!
Saturday, February 13, 2016
My State of the Blog Address
So here's the thing, sweet friends.
We need to talk about the blog.
I've had this little spot on the web for almost eight years. Seven of those years I've been single and childless and living in my cute bachelorette pad of an apartment. Now I'm married, a home owner, and the mama of two little ones (one in Heaven and one growing beneath my heart).
Even though to me it's been a lovely, smooth transition, the reality is that my life has drastically changed. And I feel like I don't know how to blog anymore. Can I share something with you? Especially you longtime readers...
I'm afraid you're going to think I've turned into a mommy-blogger.
I'm not. But yet I am.
Stay with me. (both in this post and for good-- ha!)
For years I've shared with you my heartaches, my joys, my reflections as a single woman learning to trust God on the journey. The reality is that I'm still that same woman, still learning to trust God on this new journey. My path looks a little different, but my heart looks a lot the same.
In some ways, my heart will continue to relate most deeply to single women or women struggling with infertility. Honestly, sometimes I feel more comfortable in those circles than in circles of married mamas who haven't had those struggles. To the average reader walking in, I'm a woman with a husband, a home, and a baby on the way. But how do I let them know my heart remembers...my heart remembers the nights after breakups and my broken engagement, the confusion with God's plan and wondering if I was even on the right path. My heart remembers the years of diagnoses and the treatments for a body that won't work right. My heart remembers the tears and overwhelming grief from losing our first little one. My heart still struggles with fear at times that we'll lose this one, too.
So there it is. This tension and struggle of how to embrace and share this new season of life with you while remaining relevant and real to my past readers. The desire to say, I'm still me, while also rejoicing in the new beauty of marriage and homemaking and pregnancy.
In the end, at our very core we are simply women. Whether old or young, married or single, physical mother or spiritual mother, we share the same joys and struggles. We all know hope, disappointment, loneliness, love, joy, longing, and fear.
So stay with me, old readers? Get to know me, new readers? We're all in this together, this crazy adventure called life.
And no matter what season we find ourselves in today, if we have the eyes to see it and the heart open to God's grace, we will find that life is beautiful.
We need to talk about the blog.
I've had this little spot on the web for almost eight years. Seven of those years I've been single and childless and living in my cute bachelorette pad of an apartment. Now I'm married, a home owner, and the mama of two little ones (one in Heaven and one growing beneath my heart).
Even though to me it's been a lovely, smooth transition, the reality is that my life has drastically changed. And I feel like I don't know how to blog anymore. Can I share something with you? Especially you longtime readers...
I'm afraid you're going to think I've turned into a mommy-blogger.
I'm not. But yet I am.
Stay with me. (both in this post and for good-- ha!)
For years I've shared with you my heartaches, my joys, my reflections as a single woman learning to trust God on the journey. The reality is that I'm still that same woman, still learning to trust God on this new journey. My path looks a little different, but my heart looks a lot the same.
In some ways, my heart will continue to relate most deeply to single women or women struggling with infertility. Honestly, sometimes I feel more comfortable in those circles than in circles of married mamas who haven't had those struggles. To the average reader walking in, I'm a woman with a husband, a home, and a baby on the way. But how do I let them know my heart remembers...my heart remembers the nights after breakups and my broken engagement, the confusion with God's plan and wondering if I was even on the right path. My heart remembers the years of diagnoses and the treatments for a body that won't work right. My heart remembers the tears and overwhelming grief from losing our first little one. My heart still struggles with fear at times that we'll lose this one, too.
So there it is. This tension and struggle of how to embrace and share this new season of life with you while remaining relevant and real to my past readers. The desire to say, I'm still me, while also rejoicing in the new beauty of marriage and homemaking and pregnancy.
In the end, at our very core we are simply women. Whether old or young, married or single, physical mother or spiritual mother, we share the same joys and struggles. We all know hope, disappointment, loneliness, love, joy, longing, and fear.
So stay with me, old readers? Get to know me, new readers? We're all in this together, this crazy adventure called life.
And no matter what season we find ourselves in today, if we have the eyes to see it and the heart open to God's grace, we will find that life is beautiful.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Of Loss and Love: A Year in Review with Pictures
So I've been pretty sentimental today. I didn't expect it. It was mostly a normal day. I worked. We have no New Year's Eve plans. I'll be going to bed early from exhaustion. But this NYE stuff caught up with me. The reflecting on a year drawing to a close. So as I drove to and from work, I found myself reviewing the year.
And what. a. year. Marriage. A home purchase. Losses that knocked the wind out of us. Joy that seeped into the cracked places of our hearts. New places and new friends...and always the treasured old.
Tears and smiles, awe and gratitude joined me in the car today. But more than anything, I felt grace. Grace all over the year, woven through the ups and downs. God's presence. His protection. And His providence.
Sometimes we need to look more closely at the small things to see beauty...but sometimes we also need to step back and look at the larger picture. Join me as I recount the big and small things of 2015?
January
I was knee-deep in wedding planning, a nervous but excited fiancee looking ahead to the biggest change in my life.
I accompanied P. (fiance at the time) and my bestie R. to the March for Life in Washington D.C. Always a powerful trip as we show our nation's leaders (and the few media channels that will cover it) that we believe every life is a gift and worth living.
P. was invited to lead the prayer for the opening of a House of Rep. session at our statehouse. Such an honor!! His brother, nephew, and I were tickled pink to join him!
February
We were blindsided by the sudden death of my father-in-law. By God's grace, all the family members were already in town for a Baptism (some live as far as the East Coast) and were able to stay together for the following week. The grief and shock were overwhelming. We were too young to lose a parent. I felt so inadequate to comfort my husband-to-be, yet was so deeply touched by the way his family banded together in their grief. I felt blessed to become part of this family, this legacy.
March
We found our house. Searching for a home during our seven-month engagement proved to be one of the most challenging things we did and possibly stretched us the most as a couple. But I'll never forget the day we saw this house...shortly after losing the bid on a previous home I had wanted. We both fell in love with the country view, the quaint two-story, and the white woodwork. Within a week, we had had our offer accepted.
April
My bachelorette party with my sisterhood. These girls. The ones who have been with me through the ups and downs of single life, relationships, faith struggles, and self-image woes. We have a history together...and a future. Their hearts were so generous in helping me plan and prepare for marriage. Some friends will stay in your life forever.
May
I stood face-to-face with the man who swept me off my feet and vowed to love him forever. I watched him cry as I walked up the aisle. We worshiped together in song after receiving our precious Jesus in the Eucharist. We were overjoyed at the church full of so many loved ones who traveled near and far to support us, pray with us, and celebrate with us.
June
After a crazy two-week stint of living in both our apartments (an hour apart) on a random schedule, we moved into our new home! My mom and dad get the highest praise here, I've never seen anyone work so hard in helped us pack and unpack. We also had a sweet band of friends who made endless rounds from the trailer to the house. I hope they move soon so we can begin to repay them!!
July
One of the most joyful and painful months of our lives. We learned I was pregnant. Those moments of awe that a little life is within you...soon changed to the agony of having the little life leave you too soon. We lost our sweet son, Ignatius, to miscarriage. Despite being only two months into our marriage, my husband was a rock for me. My mom and my sister were lifeblood. And all the women who came out of the woodwork and shared their own miscarriages gave me strength and hope that we, too, would get through this. I was most comforted by these words of Mother Angelica.
August
It's an odd thing to be an adult. Because somehow, you can grieve and rejoice at the same time. And so while we still carried our grief, we were also enjoying our first few months of marriage and life in our new home. We hosted about forty young adults at a local park for a summer party of sports, pizza, and a bonfire. Such a gift to have fellowship with solid, delightful people who share our love for Christ.
I took my first trip away from P. and enjoyed the annual girlfriends camping trip at the lake. Despite my tan for the wedding, I burnt to a crisp from too much lounging in the lake!
September
A friend H. and I began Courageous Women, our monthly Bible study. The book has been incredible, the friendships inspiring, and the food quite tasty!
October
In the wake of doctor's appointments, new diagnoses, and discouragement about my fertility, we decided to take a month to refocus and reprioritize. October was a simple, carefree month all about our marriage. We even took a little getaway to Amish Country when my husband was scheduled for a few talks there. I was so excited for him to experience a historic Bed and Breakfast (although I think he mostly just enjoyed watching me get so excited about it all). I found so much peace and joy in this month of surrender to the Lord and gratitude for the gift of our marriage.
November
The day after Thanksgiving my thankful heart overflowed when I got a positive pregnancy test. Despite my deep gratitude, I soon learned this time around there would be a battle with fear and anxiety. I wanted to be excited and joyful but I struggled with detachment and fear that we would lose this little one, too. I so desperately wanted to trust God, but what did that even look like in this situation? I couldn't trust that everything would turn out like I wanted it to...but I realized I could trust who God is, that He loved and willed this child into being, and that He had a plan for it. If that plan was to join Him in Heaven right way or if that plan included us meeting and raising this little one, God's will be done. He is good and He loves us in either outcome.
December
My Advent continued my struggle with fear but I could see grace reaching in, God teaching patiently, and my heart learning slowly. We still don't know what will happen in the months ahead, but I'm learning to treasure every day I carry this child beneath my heart. I'm learning to trust like Mary in the uncertainty of life just as she trusted God in her pregnancy. And there is joy. So much joy.
And what. a. year. Marriage. A home purchase. Losses that knocked the wind out of us. Joy that seeped into the cracked places of our hearts. New places and new friends...and always the treasured old.
Tears and smiles, awe and gratitude joined me in the car today. But more than anything, I felt grace. Grace all over the year, woven through the ups and downs. God's presence. His protection. And His providence.
Sometimes we need to look more closely at the small things to see beauty...but sometimes we also need to step back and look at the larger picture. Join me as I recount the big and small things of 2015?
January
I was knee-deep in wedding planning, a nervous but excited fiancee looking ahead to the biggest change in my life.
I accompanied P. (fiance at the time) and my bestie R. to the March for Life in Washington D.C. Always a powerful trip as we show our nation's leaders (and the few media channels that will cover it) that we believe every life is a gift and worth living.
P. was invited to lead the prayer for the opening of a House of Rep. session at our statehouse. Such an honor!! His brother, nephew, and I were tickled pink to join him!
February
We were blindsided by the sudden death of my father-in-law. By God's grace, all the family members were already in town for a Baptism (some live as far as the East Coast) and were able to stay together for the following week. The grief and shock were overwhelming. We were too young to lose a parent. I felt so inadequate to comfort my husband-to-be, yet was so deeply touched by the way his family banded together in their grief. I felt blessed to become part of this family, this legacy.
March
We found our house. Searching for a home during our seven-month engagement proved to be one of the most challenging things we did and possibly stretched us the most as a couple. But I'll never forget the day we saw this house...shortly after losing the bid on a previous home I had wanted. We both fell in love with the country view, the quaint two-story, and the white woodwork. Within a week, we had had our offer accepted.
April
My bachelorette party with my sisterhood. These girls. The ones who have been with me through the ups and downs of single life, relationships, faith struggles, and self-image woes. We have a history together...and a future. Their hearts were so generous in helping me plan and prepare for marriage. Some friends will stay in your life forever.
May
I stood face-to-face with the man who swept me off my feet and vowed to love him forever. I watched him cry as I walked up the aisle. We worshiped together in song after receiving our precious Jesus in the Eucharist. We were overjoyed at the church full of so many loved ones who traveled near and far to support us, pray with us, and celebrate with us.
June
After a crazy two-week stint of living in both our apartments (an hour apart) on a random schedule, we moved into our new home! My mom and dad get the highest praise here, I've never seen anyone work so hard in helped us pack and unpack. We also had a sweet band of friends who made endless rounds from the trailer to the house. I hope they move soon so we can begin to repay them!!
July
One of the most joyful and painful months of our lives. We learned I was pregnant. Those moments of awe that a little life is within you...soon changed to the agony of having the little life leave you too soon. We lost our sweet son, Ignatius, to miscarriage. Despite being only two months into our marriage, my husband was a rock for me. My mom and my sister were lifeblood. And all the women who came out of the woodwork and shared their own miscarriages gave me strength and hope that we, too, would get through this. I was most comforted by these words of Mother Angelica.
August
It's an odd thing to be an adult. Because somehow, you can grieve and rejoice at the same time. And so while we still carried our grief, we were also enjoying our first few months of marriage and life in our new home. We hosted about forty young adults at a local park for a summer party of sports, pizza, and a bonfire. Such a gift to have fellowship with solid, delightful people who share our love for Christ.
I took my first trip away from P. and enjoyed the annual girlfriends camping trip at the lake. Despite my tan for the wedding, I burnt to a crisp from too much lounging in the lake!
September
A friend H. and I began Courageous Women, our monthly Bible study. The book has been incredible, the friendships inspiring, and the food quite tasty!
October
In the wake of doctor's appointments, new diagnoses, and discouragement about my fertility, we decided to take a month to refocus and reprioritize. October was a simple, carefree month all about our marriage. We even took a little getaway to Amish Country when my husband was scheduled for a few talks there. I was so excited for him to experience a historic Bed and Breakfast (although I think he mostly just enjoyed watching me get so excited about it all). I found so much peace and joy in this month of surrender to the Lord and gratitude for the gift of our marriage.
November
The day after Thanksgiving my thankful heart overflowed when I got a positive pregnancy test. Despite my deep gratitude, I soon learned this time around there would be a battle with fear and anxiety. I wanted to be excited and joyful but I struggled with detachment and fear that we would lose this little one, too. I so desperately wanted to trust God, but what did that even look like in this situation? I couldn't trust that everything would turn out like I wanted it to...but I realized I could trust who God is, that He loved and willed this child into being, and that He had a plan for it. If that plan was to join Him in Heaven right way or if that plan included us meeting and raising this little one, God's will be done. He is good and He loves us in either outcome.
December
My Advent continued my struggle with fear but I could see grace reaching in, God teaching patiently, and my heart learning slowly. We still don't know what will happen in the months ahead, but I'm learning to treasure every day I carry this child beneath my heart. I'm learning to trust like Mary in the uncertainty of life just as she trusted God in her pregnancy. And there is joy. So much joy.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Tuesday Talk #11: Fear Not
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
Right?
Yet in the midst of the joyful preparations, the twinkling lights, the festive parties...I find myself experiencing some feelings that aren't so wonderful.
Fear. Worry.
We've had a couple different situations lately within our families that have been the cause of my anxiety. Yet I allowed those feelings snowball into habits of daily worry.
A few evenings ago, my husband was out of town and it was just me for the night. The Christmas tree was on and I lit the candles on the Advent wreath. But something was missing.
Peace. The tranquility that a night like this would normally bring me. It was then that I realized how much I had let fear take hold within me. It was becoming less about the outcomes of the family situations and more about my attempts to control them, my need to know the future, my exhausted efforts to go beyond my abilities. And I realized these were not just reactions and emotions anymore-- they were habits. They were symptoms of a deeper problem. My lack of trust in God. My lack of faith in Him. That He would be with me whatever the outcome. That He knows, He sees, and He is a good God.
I reflected on Mary, who carried the Son of God in her womb as she traveled with Joseph to Bethlehem. A journey we too often forget about in our hurry to celebrate the Nativity. It must have been a journey of hunger, fatigue, uncertainty. Did they wonder about their next meal, their next bed, the health of baby Jesus in all that traveling?
Yet God was with them. Literally. And He provided for them every single step of the journey.
Just as He does in our own uncertain paths.
I watched this video that evening (moms send us such good stuff!). About peace, About stillness. About trust. I cried through it. And I repented of my lack of faith. Of my desperate reaching for control when a loving God has it all in His hands.
I sat before the Advent candles burning before my manger scene--the one my mom bought for me years ago as a little girl and promised to give to me my first year of marriage. Tears drying on my face. I felt it. Maybe for the first time this season.
Because I had let go. Those hands that had held so tightly to a false control were now open to receive it.
His peace.
"And the angel said to them: Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy that shall be to all the people." -Luke 2:10
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Join the party, friends, by linking up with your favorite post from the week! Here's the scoop:Keri - Living In This Season ~ Christina - Waltzing In Beauty
Lauren - Simply Elliott~ Becky - BYBMG
Jess and Katie - Sweet Little Ones ~ Whitney - Polka Dotty Place
Laura - Life Is Beautiful ~ Elizabeth - All Kinds Of Things
Sarah - Abiding In Grace ~ Stephanie - Wife Mommy Me
Emily - Morning Motivated Mom
You can join us on Pinterest, too!
Follow Sweet Little Ones's board Tuesday Talk Features on Pinterest.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
The One Where I Ramble
It's just me tonight. No pictures, no graphics, no scheduled posting. Just an old-fashioned blog ramble.
I think those are good for us every once in awhile.
My blog turned seven this fall. Seven years. Craziness. I was blogging before it was cool. Back when it was an online journal sort of thing. There weren't lifestyle blogs or cooking blogs or mommy blogs.
For seven years, my little blog has remained just that -- little. And I'm okay with it. I'm learning a lot from the Tuesday Talk link-up and the sweet ladies I've met there. I'm excited about learning more about growing a blog, learning more tech stuff, honing social media skills and such.
But in the end, I'm still just me. A lover of the written word. A girl who likes to meet people and learn their stories. A girl who strives to be brave and share her heart, just in case someone stumbles by and says, 'hey, I thought I was the only one going through that.'
So keep me authentic, will you? In the midst of coding and graphic design and recipes and link-ups...don't let me forget that the most important part of a blog is the writer's heart.
I think those are good for us every once in awhile.
My blog turned seven this fall. Seven years. Craziness. I was blogging before it was cool. Back when it was an online journal sort of thing. There weren't lifestyle blogs or cooking blogs or mommy blogs.
For seven years, my little blog has remained just that -- little. And I'm okay with it. I'm learning a lot from the Tuesday Talk link-up and the sweet ladies I've met there. I'm excited about learning more about growing a blog, learning more tech stuff, honing social media skills and such.
But in the end, I'm still just me. A lover of the written word. A girl who likes to meet people and learn their stories. A girl who strives to be brave and share her heart, just in case someone stumbles by and says, 'hey, I thought I was the only one going through that.'
So keep me authentic, will you? In the midst of coding and graphic design and recipes and link-ups...don't let me forget that the most important part of a blog is the writer's heart.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Identity Crisis
"I'm living in between cornfields in a tiny little town with my new husband in our new home. I'm ridiculously, undeniably, head-over-heels in love with him. But I don't know who I am anymore."
"There’s an identity crisis when we invite Christ into our lives. But it’s beautiful."
I'm over at The Catholic SIP today with my debut blog post there. Check out my reflections on what marriage is teaching me about identity and walking with Christ.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Why, hello there
Helloooo, my precious blog friends!!! And happy Friday night! It's been too long.
I think I'm back. And here to stay for awhile.
It's not that life was horrible and I needed to hide. It's not that life was all flowers and chocolate and I didn't think about you. I think I just needed a break.
But my fingers are itching for the keys and my heart is wanting your friendship again.
So I'm here. I can't fit all the details of the weeks into a single post (nor do I want to! That would be an exhausting read for you!), but I can tell you it's been a crazy, beautiful ride these months of engagement. And if I were to summarize it into one sentence, you know what one I'd choose?
I really need a Savior.
Isn't that a crazy sentence to describe an engagement? But it's so true! Because as P. and I have walked this new path together, I've realized it all comes back to Christ. When the going is good and life is brimming with joy and delight...it's all the more sweeter to remember the Giver and the purpose He has for our marriage. The joy is multiplied when we invite Him in, and when we work together for His people. And when the going gets tough, I can step back and remember that marriage isn't mean to make us happy, it's meant to make us holy (Thank you, Sacred Marriage!). And that involves some serious sanding of rough edges, let me tell you. Both of us have grown already during these seven months...it's actually really awesome to look back and see it over such a short period of time.
Our engagement season has been anything but perfect. And in our secular culture, there's an overwhelming amount of pressure that both the engagement and the wedding must be perfect. (Funny they don't seem to focus on the marriage part, though...). But guys...though our engagement season wasn't perfect, it has been absolutely beautiful.
Because I see how we grew through trials. We chose love time and time again. We held each other up in stress, grief, and fatigue. We learned more about sacrificial love. We honed our communication skills in the big decisions and discussions (like house hunting!). We held on to each other and let go of what wasn't important-- including the culture's expectations of engagement and weddings. It was messy. It was funny. It was difficult and exciting and overwhelming and fun. And so, so beautiful. Because grace is written all over it. Every moment.
Our wedding is two weeks from today. I don't know if it's all going to come together (I hope so!) but I do know God will be there. Marriage is going to take all three of us. And I couldn't be more grateful (or excited!) to be vowing faithfulness to the one I love, knowing he will lead me closer to the Heavenly One I love.
(It's midnight and I'm headed to a local festival in the morning with my sister and her littles, so I am off to bed! Next time I'll try to share some of the fun deets...like the house we closed on today! Rest in His love tonight!)
I think I'm back. And here to stay for awhile.
It's not that life was horrible and I needed to hide. It's not that life was all flowers and chocolate and I didn't think about you. I think I just needed a break.
But my fingers are itching for the keys and my heart is wanting your friendship again.
So I'm here. I can't fit all the details of the weeks into a single post (nor do I want to! That would be an exhausting read for you!), but I can tell you it's been a crazy, beautiful ride these months of engagement. And if I were to summarize it into one sentence, you know what one I'd choose?
I really need a Savior.
Isn't that a crazy sentence to describe an engagement? But it's so true! Because as P. and I have walked this new path together, I've realized it all comes back to Christ. When the going is good and life is brimming with joy and delight...it's all the more sweeter to remember the Giver and the purpose He has for our marriage. The joy is multiplied when we invite Him in, and when we work together for His people. And when the going gets tough, I can step back and remember that marriage isn't mean to make us happy, it's meant to make us holy (Thank you, Sacred Marriage!). And that involves some serious sanding of rough edges, let me tell you. Both of us have grown already during these seven months...it's actually really awesome to look back and see it over such a short period of time.
Our engagement season has been anything but perfect. And in our secular culture, there's an overwhelming amount of pressure that both the engagement and the wedding must be perfect. (Funny they don't seem to focus on the marriage part, though...). But guys...though our engagement season wasn't perfect, it has been absolutely beautiful.
Because I see how we grew through trials. We chose love time and time again. We held each other up in stress, grief, and fatigue. We learned more about sacrificial love. We honed our communication skills in the big decisions and discussions (like house hunting!). We held on to each other and let go of what wasn't important-- including the culture's expectations of engagement and weddings. It was messy. It was funny. It was difficult and exciting and overwhelming and fun. And so, so beautiful. Because grace is written all over it. Every moment.
Our wedding is two weeks from today. I don't know if it's all going to come together (I hope so!) but I do know God will be there. Marriage is going to take all three of us. And I couldn't be more grateful (or excited!) to be vowing faithfulness to the one I love, knowing he will lead me closer to the Heavenly One I love.
(It's midnight and I'm headed to a local festival in the morning with my sister and her littles, so I am off to bed! Next time I'll try to share some of the fun deets...like the house we closed on today! Rest in His love tonight!)
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Turning the Page
This has been a beautiful holiday break. I mean, hey, it's 1:15pm and I'm cuddled in my chair with coffee, the Little Dog, and a Christmas quilt. Does it get any more cozy than this?Quiet simplicity and time for reflection. My soul is happily expanding.
I'm reflecting on 2014. And looking ahead at 2015. I'm thinking about all of you. Some of you have been with me the past several years...maybe even some of you since the blog started. You, too, have caused my soul to expand with your own stories, your comments, your love and encouragement. God uses everything. Even (especially?) the internet. To connect His children. The kindred spirits I'd never have known if it weren't for the blog. So thank you. For being with me on the journey.
This past year was full of sunshine and storms and much grace. The beginning of the year found me lost in Paris. No joke. Stranded alone at an airport without a working cell phone and only a French phrase book to guide me. Pretty much an emergency course in trusting God's providence and protection. But all is well as I sit in my American home a year later, realizing with His help I conquered the metro system and my fears.
February found me reeling from a second break-up with my now-fiance. Even on heart-sharing blogs, there must be some things kept in a private corner of the heart. So though I want to share more details, and certainly would if you were across from me with your own coffee mug in hand, I'll simply repeat that God uses everything. I never doubted P.'s love for me, but both of us painfully separated to figure out what God really wanted from us. What a time of surrender and being covered by grace. Of being stripped of everything but the present moment. Of learning to pray with an open hand and heart, confused but earnestly desiring God to make His plan known whatever it might be. If you're going through your own storm right now, my heart is with you. I have tears in my eyes as I write this because hearts that have been broken love best and care most. Lean into Him, friend. He is enough. He does love you and has not forgotten you, even when you don't understand His ways.
I resigned from my manager position with the crisis pregnancy center this spring. It was a difficult decision (to put it mildly) but seemed best when I looked at the neglected areas of my life due to a too busy and stressful schedule. I'm still able to volunteer for them and have more one-on-one contact with clients, including performing ultrasounds-- my true passion. So though I miss the leadership role, I think this current role is perfect for this season and I look forward to how the Lord will use all my experiences in the future to promote a culture of life.
The summertime found me traveling to Tennessee with a carload of 6 girlfriends en route to our cabin in the mountains! We called our Facebook planning group "Epic Tennessee Adventure" and looking back, I can't think of a better description! It was an adventure, and it was epic. I learned how to cook on a charcoal grill, prayed devotions with the girls on our cabin deck, braved class 4 white water rafting, hiked the Smokies, and soaked in a hot tub with my sisters while Dollywood shot off fireworks in the distance. Traveling is such a bonding experience (and it can bring out the worst in us, too, haha!); this trip was a treasured gift and memory.
Then in October, there's this fairy tale where the dragon is slain, the forests are navigated, and all of a sudden I have this diamond on my left hand, the man I love before me, and overflowing joy in my heart. It's humbling and crazy and amazing and messy and indescribably beautiful. Our time apart has solidified our foundation in Christ and I am forever grateful. For all of it. Our God is in the business of redeeming everything we give Him...especially ourselves.
So this 2014 stuff: lost in Paris, then found in Tennessee. A broken heart then a heart that overflows (Psalm 45:1). What can happen in a year...
Now I'm turned the page. 2015. Marriage. Moving. Life as I know it is changing. Will you stay with me, my friends? You who have traveled with me, who send emails and comment love, who remind me time and again how beautiful are human hearts? I invite you into my journey of 2015, my heart and my life. I hope you will let me walk with you, too.
Grace upon grace,
Monday, September 8, 2014
Hidden Kindness
Hardly anyone knew I was nursing a broken heart that day. And every day for the past several weeks. It's just easier sometimes to hide a broken heart and shattered dreams and shameful disappointment.
But whenever I hide from the world during suffering, I find a gift and grace hiding there as well-- the ability to see people more clearly, more slowly, more beautifully.
And so it was that day.
I was her cardiac stress test nurse. She was my patient for four hours, a quiet little woman who seemed to be hiding from the world, too. In a fast-paced day, she was slow and calm and silent, a nursing home resident confined to a wheelchair and needing help even to stand up. Her mind was slow and her body slower. Neither of us spoke much during the test though I tried to be gentle with her, to take extra time explaining things, touch her hand reassuringly, cover her with an extra blanket.
I was transferring her to radiology for the next portion of her test. We were on a tight schedule, keeping rhythm with the clock, a small margin for delays. But she needed to use the restroom. So we stopped and I donned my gloves and ditched my pride and helped her...because we're all going to need help someday. Maybe it's the slow beating of a broken heart that gives us time to see but all of a sudden it felt like the most dignified job in the world. Assisting this needy woman in her vulnerability was a gift, a mission, an honor.
She slowly, meticulously washed her hands afterwards while I held her by the sink. She took the paper towel and slowly, meticulously dried around the sink, wiping the porcelain basin and the faucet. In a public medical restroom. I never do that and it struck me. Such a little thing but such a thoughtful thing. Why do I think I'm above that? That the hired cleaning help can do that? That I'm in too much of a hurry to make it a little cleaner for the next person? It wasn't even necessarily the action but rather the gentle and humble spirit that accompanied it. The hidden care and kindness.
I was realizing this slow, quiet little woman was teaching me.
But there was more to come.
As I lowered her back into the wheelchair and squeezed her hand gently, she looked up at me with the purest blue eyes meeting my own and said "Thank you." One of the few things she said all day but with incredible sincerity and meaning.
I saw Jesus.
Unmistakably. Undeniably. In those beautiful blue eyes that reflected a precious soul unseen by many.
We don't always see Him where we want or where we expect...or even where we look for Him. In the wake of my grieving, I realized by now in life I wanted to see Him reflected in the eyes of a baby of my own held in my embrace. But instead He was showing up in the eyes of this woman as I connected with her. As we both hid from a world too loud and fast and uncaring.
That was months ago. But I now gently and purposefully wipe my sink after washing the dishes or washing my hands and I remember her. The quiet little woman tucked away who showed me the eyes of Jesus...and His heart.
But whenever I hide from the world during suffering, I find a gift and grace hiding there as well-- the ability to see people more clearly, more slowly, more beautifully.
And so it was that day.
I was her cardiac stress test nurse. She was my patient for four hours, a quiet little woman who seemed to be hiding from the world, too. In a fast-paced day, she was slow and calm and silent, a nursing home resident confined to a wheelchair and needing help even to stand up. Her mind was slow and her body slower. Neither of us spoke much during the test though I tried to be gentle with her, to take extra time explaining things, touch her hand reassuringly, cover her with an extra blanket.
I was transferring her to radiology for the next portion of her test. We were on a tight schedule, keeping rhythm with the clock, a small margin for delays. But she needed to use the restroom. So we stopped and I donned my gloves and ditched my pride and helped her...because we're all going to need help someday. Maybe it's the slow beating of a broken heart that gives us time to see but all of a sudden it felt like the most dignified job in the world. Assisting this needy woman in her vulnerability was a gift, a mission, an honor.
She slowly, meticulously washed her hands afterwards while I held her by the sink. She took the paper towel and slowly, meticulously dried around the sink, wiping the porcelain basin and the faucet. In a public medical restroom. I never do that and it struck me. Such a little thing but such a thoughtful thing. Why do I think I'm above that? That the hired cleaning help can do that? That I'm in too much of a hurry to make it a little cleaner for the next person? It wasn't even necessarily the action but rather the gentle and humble spirit that accompanied it. The hidden care and kindness.
I was realizing this slow, quiet little woman was teaching me.
But there was more to come.
As I lowered her back into the wheelchair and squeezed her hand gently, she looked up at me with the purest blue eyes meeting my own and said "Thank you." One of the few things she said all day but with incredible sincerity and meaning.
I saw Jesus.
Unmistakably. Undeniably. In those beautiful blue eyes that reflected a precious soul unseen by many.
We don't always see Him where we want or where we expect...or even where we look for Him. In the wake of my grieving, I realized by now in life I wanted to see Him reflected in the eyes of a baby of my own held in my embrace. But instead He was showing up in the eyes of this woman as I connected with her. As we both hid from a world too loud and fast and uncaring.
That was months ago. But I now gently and purposefully wipe my sink after washing the dishes or washing my hands and I remember her. The quiet little woman tucked away who showed me the eyes of Jesus...and His heart.
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