The Silent Sorrow: Miscarriage Awareness Month

Precious gifts from Sufficient Grace Ministries: A memory book and bear.

It's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 

Not that I'm celebrating it or anything. But it's there. And I can't ignore it. I keep seeing posts on social media about miscarriage awareness. And honestly? There's a part of me that wishes more than anything I weren't so acutely aware of it. 

Yet here I am. My heart, my body, my arms aching to hold my little one this side of heaven. To mark the weeks with milestones of growth, instead of milestones of grief.

Yet here I am. Simply a newlywed to most people. But a mother in the deepest core of my being. 

These are the pains no one talks about. Miscarriage is such a silent wound. I think it's partially because of our culture's lack of care for the unborn. To some people, we simply lost a "pregnancy," a "potential child." But we know he was our son. 

During the acute time of grieving after our miscarriage (because the grief never completely ends, it only changes with time; I will always love our child and always yearn to hold him close), God still provided. Yes, there were people who just didn't get it, who said thoughtless things or who said nothing at all. But there were also the people who reached out in word and deed, who prayed like warriors. There were the articles that said what my silent heart wanted to say, there were the women who understood exactly what I was going through. Those words and those women were gifts from God. He was reaching out to me through them.

And so in the coming weeks, I want to compile some of the things that helped me rise and walk again. I want to share them with other women who are suffering from this cross and remind them that they are not alone. 

If you are reading this and uncomfortable with my rawness, my realness, I want to share one more truth. It's an important one: There is joy in this cross. I never thought I'd say that, but there is joy and there is peace. There is joy because God gave us a child. There is joy because we believe he is now in heaven with the Lord, a small but mighty prayer warrior before God as he prays for his parents and awaits our incredible meeting in heaven someday. Our child was loved so deeply his whole time on earth, so wanted, so cared for, so carried. We have never experienced deeper love than that which we had for him-- and that by which he was created. These are good things. These are blessings. The temporary separation is painful, but the eternal joy is sweet. 

So know that we appreciate when you reach out. It means so much when you acknowledge our loss but also our parenthood. When you share about your own losses. When you pray with us and for us. 

We count it all joy, because God has given to us abundantly. (James 1:2, 5)

From a precious friend, who lost her son in the second trimester this summer.
What a beautiful reminder of God's love for our babies.
This is the goal for all of us. Our little ones just made it there before us.