We took the teens from church on a ski trip a couple weeks ago. And I'll never be the same. Okay, maybe it didn't scar me for life but it gave me enough paranoia that I might need some Xanax or Ativan for that girls' retreat in Michigan coming up this month.
We met at church bright and early that day. If there was any concern with my driving abilities at such an early hour, those doubts would soon vanish. Trust me, I was wide awake as I rounded the corner of the church to the vans being loaded, only to see the back van door slam and glass shatter. And the shocked look on the face of the guy who had slammed it.
Life happens. So we cleaned up the glass and used some duct tape and plastic to take its place, and then were on our way. 20 degree weather with several inches of snow-- perfect for skiing, not so much for driving. Especially when I'm driving a 12 passenger van that is not mine. The roads were covered with packed snow and patches of ice. Even the interstate wasn't as clear as I had hoped.
Enter disaster...er, I mean, adventure...#2. My windshield would not stay clear of slush. I tried the wiper fluid, but it was empty. The windshield wipers were no match for the sticky, icy mess without wiper fluid. So we stopped on the side of the turnpike-- yeah, where it says only to stop for emergences--and thankfully, one of the other drivers had some wiper fluid for me.
Off we go again. My teens seemed rather oblivious to any dangerous road conditions at times, particularly when I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw feet where their heads should be. I calmly explained to them that I prefer them buckled since I'm responsible. Yes, you may have some snacks, but you don't need to flip over the seats to get to them.
Ah. The window was patched, the windshields were clear. What more could happen? Only that my van decided to have convulsions when I used the brakes. Gary suggested it may be from a problem with the anti-lock brakes on the right side...that made me feel so much better? I decided that was not the source of the problem, however, when the van stalled at the turnpike station--about 10 feet before we reached the station.
Since I'm writing this, you can guess the end of the story. We arrived safely at our destination and enjoyed a day of skiing, snowboarding, and falling down the slopes. One of the girls lost her ski goggles. A couple of people from our group accidentally went down a Black Diamond. My skis were sized wrong and I didn't realize it until I was putting them on by one of the slopes.
All in all, though, it really was a fun day. The Lord had His hand on us and taught us some things about faith. He is good. Life is beautiful. But I'm still hesitant to go on that trip with the girls this month...
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Delightfully Insignificant
With a full mind and confused heart, cabin fever wasn't helping. Feeling the need for some fresh air and surroundings, I piled on the snow gear and trekked to the woods with my faithful dogs. As I headed back via the path in our field, I felt refreshed already. How could I not when Micah skipped and jumped and smiled the whole way?
And then I entered a snow-covered Narnia. Stillness. Peace. Beauty. It was my tryst with the past. I made a snow angel, tasted some fresh snow, and swung on the tree swing. I visited all my old haunts, reminiscing about the imaginative games we played as kids. It was magical. I felt almost as if I had walked back in time. It was good to step away from the present and its concerns and confusion.
Looking up at the clear blue sky and around at the pure snow, I felt delightfully insignificant. I felt very small in this vastness, yet I knew the God who created it all. And He wanted to know me. He was immeasurably greater than all of this-- yet cares for me individually. He was big enough to hold and mend all my worries and fears.
Those worries seemed insignificant anyway in the simplicity of the moment. Life is not as complicated as I make it. I just need to take note from His other creations to see that. The trees in the woods-- they wait patiently and quietly for spring, keeping their branches raised to their Creator. My dogs-- they aren't worried about the future but are more concerned with living each moment to the fullest.
I don't need to have my life figured out. I just need to wait patiently and quietly for the next step to be revealed, living each moment to the fullest, with my arms raised to the One who does have it all figured out.
And then I entered a snow-covered Narnia. Stillness. Peace. Beauty. It was my tryst with the past. I made a snow angel, tasted some fresh snow, and swung on the tree swing. I visited all my old haunts, reminiscing about the imaginative games we played as kids. It was magical. I felt almost as if I had walked back in time. It was good to step away from the present and its concerns and confusion.
Looking up at the clear blue sky and around at the pure snow, I felt delightfully insignificant. I felt very small in this vastness, yet I knew the God who created it all. And He wanted to know me. He was immeasurably greater than all of this-- yet cares for me individually. He was big enough to hold and mend all my worries and fears.
Those worries seemed insignificant anyway in the simplicity of the moment. Life is not as complicated as I make it. I just need to take note from His other creations to see that. The trees in the woods-- they wait patiently and quietly for spring, keeping their branches raised to their Creator. My dogs-- they aren't worried about the future but are more concerned with living each moment to the fullest.
I don't need to have my life figured out. I just need to wait patiently and quietly for the next step to be revealed, living each moment to the fullest, with my arms raised to the One who does have it all figured out.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Waiting with patience and Living with purpose
"You're not alone, For I am here,
Let me wipe away your every tear,
My love, I've never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life,
Faithful and true, Forever, Oh my love will carry you."
-"You're Not Alone," Meredith Andrews
I love when God sends us songs on the radio at just the right moment. I had been talking on the phone with Grant not too long before and found out that his 2 week leave from Iraq is being pushed later, possibly even to April instead of the February I had hoped for.
All of a sudden I realized how much I had been planning on that February visit. How the waiting was difficult, but at least I could begin to say we might see each other next month. I knew it was tentative, as almost everything is in the Army, but still my heart kept this hope alive for February. And now...now there would be more days, more weeks, another month or two before we would be together.
As I tried to find strength somewhere within, this song came on the Christian radio station. I heard the beautiful lyrics and was reminded I am not alone. Even though Grant can't be here with me, the Lord has never left my side. Jesus, my greatest love, has seen me through dark nights before. He is the One who has loved me all my life, long before Grant and I knew each other. And so I rest in Him, knowing that His plan is best. I carry Grant's love in my heart, and allow my Savior's love to carry me.
My New Year's resolution this year is to have a patient heart. This is my fourth year in choosing a quality of heart to work on so I can be more like my Savior. A thankful heart in 2006, a hopeful heart in 2007, a joyful heart in 2008, and now a patient heart in 2009. It's definitely appropriate this year as I wait for Grant's safe return. Yet it's more than that. It's a quality I want to permeate my whole life. Instead of the rushing, multi-tasking, busy mentality of today, I want to seek quietness, patience, and purpose. Life is so beautiful when we take the time to truly live it.
Let me wipe away your every tear,
My love, I've never left your side,
I have seen you through the darkest night,
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life,
Faithful and true, Forever, Oh my love will carry you."
-"You're Not Alone," Meredith Andrews
I love when God sends us songs on the radio at just the right moment. I had been talking on the phone with Grant not too long before and found out that his 2 week leave from Iraq is being pushed later, possibly even to April instead of the February I had hoped for.
All of a sudden I realized how much I had been planning on that February visit. How the waiting was difficult, but at least I could begin to say we might see each other next month. I knew it was tentative, as almost everything is in the Army, but still my heart kept this hope alive for February. And now...now there would be more days, more weeks, another month or two before we would be together.
As I tried to find strength somewhere within, this song came on the Christian radio station. I heard the beautiful lyrics and was reminded I am not alone. Even though Grant can't be here with me, the Lord has never left my side. Jesus, my greatest love, has seen me through dark nights before. He is the One who has loved me all my life, long before Grant and I knew each other. And so I rest in Him, knowing that His plan is best. I carry Grant's love in my heart, and allow my Savior's love to carry me.
My New Year's resolution this year is to have a patient heart. This is my fourth year in choosing a quality of heart to work on so I can be more like my Savior. A thankful heart in 2006, a hopeful heart in 2007, a joyful heart in 2008, and now a patient heart in 2009. It's definitely appropriate this year as I wait for Grant's safe return. Yet it's more than that. It's a quality I want to permeate my whole life. Instead of the rushing, multi-tasking, busy mentality of today, I want to seek quietness, patience, and purpose. Life is so beautiful when we take the time to truly live it.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Light in the Darkness
The White Witch's rein has ended in Narnia...at least it felt like we lived in Narnia those many days of ice and snow, with the trees covered in layers of ice while all was still and cold and quiet. But now Aslan must be on the move, for all has melted and the sun shines.
During those days of ice, we had one full day without electricity. It was amazing to see how much I take it for granted until it's no longer there. It was especially difficult when the darkness descended early that evening, as I had been struggling with my own inner darkness of fears and frustrations that weekend. Yet the Light of the World pierced through as my family sang praise and worship songs and my brother played guitar. There was beauty in the darkness. Without distractions, I was able to focus on the lyrics even more. With full heart, I sang "Blessed Be Your Name," making the words my own honest prayer to God: "When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say 'Blessed be Your Name.'"
That's all He asks. That we trust Him in the dark. That we bless His name and praise Him in good and bad. That we believe He is not only with us in the dark, but that He is bringing us through it to the light.
I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas, celebrating the coming of the Light of the World. I also pray you have a wonderful New Year. Life is beautiful, isn't it?
During those days of ice, we had one full day without electricity. It was amazing to see how much I take it for granted until it's no longer there. It was especially difficult when the darkness descended early that evening, as I had been struggling with my own inner darkness of fears and frustrations that weekend. Yet the Light of the World pierced through as my family sang praise and worship songs and my brother played guitar. There was beauty in the darkness. Without distractions, I was able to focus on the lyrics even more. With full heart, I sang "Blessed Be Your Name," making the words my own honest prayer to God: "When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say 'Blessed be Your Name.'"
That's all He asks. That we trust Him in the dark. That we bless His name and praise Him in good and bad. That we believe He is not only with us in the dark, but that He is bringing us through it to the light.
I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas, celebrating the coming of the Light of the World. I also pray you have a wonderful New Year. Life is beautiful, isn't it?
Monday, December 22, 2008
Life Lessons Happen Even In Grocery Stores
Somehow this year I forgot how busy the stores can be the week before Christmas...until I walked into Meijer to get some groceries for the cozy Christmas party I was having the Saturday before Christmas. Shoppers were everywhere. My blood pressure rose instantly.
All I wanted were a few ingredients and I could already see it was going to take me double the time it normally would. That in itself irritated me, as well as the secularism all around me. The atmosphere of rushing, spending, hurrying, and buying smothered me as I pushed my cart through the swarms of people. It was like a never-ending maze. I plastered a smile on my face as I said "excuse me" countless times with forced politeness.
Finally, I was making progress with a few items in my cart. I turned a corner at the end of the aisle and found myself behind the slowest cart yet. Seeing no way around it, silent grumbling began to form in my mind. Then my eyes took in the rest of the scene. A older gentleman was pulling the shopping cart behind him as he pushed his wife ahead of him in a wheelchair. Slowly. Calmly. Patiently.
Emotions swelled in my heart as the complaining thoughts disappeared. I felt guilt for the impatience I had shown while this man's patience so clearly surpassed all those around him. I was ashamed that I had joined in the hurried mentality of other shoppers while he slowly and gently guided his wife and their items throughout the store.
My to-do list seemed trivial as I watched this display of true love-- sacrificial, unconditional, and absolutely beautiful. Much like the love of the Son of God who came to us that first Christmas. Sacrificial, unconditional love that would hang on a cross to save sinners. Absolutely beautiful.
All I wanted were a few ingredients and I could already see it was going to take me double the time it normally would. That in itself irritated me, as well as the secularism all around me. The atmosphere of rushing, spending, hurrying, and buying smothered me as I pushed my cart through the swarms of people. It was like a never-ending maze. I plastered a smile on my face as I said "excuse me" countless times with forced politeness.
Finally, I was making progress with a few items in my cart. I turned a corner at the end of the aisle and found myself behind the slowest cart yet. Seeing no way around it, silent grumbling began to form in my mind. Then my eyes took in the rest of the scene. A older gentleman was pulling the shopping cart behind him as he pushed his wife ahead of him in a wheelchair. Slowly. Calmly. Patiently.
Emotions swelled in my heart as the complaining thoughts disappeared. I felt guilt for the impatience I had shown while this man's patience so clearly surpassed all those around him. I was ashamed that I had joined in the hurried mentality of other shoppers while he slowly and gently guided his wife and their items throughout the store.
My to-do list seemed trivial as I watched this display of true love-- sacrificial, unconditional, and absolutely beautiful. Much like the love of the Son of God who came to us that first Christmas. Sacrificial, unconditional love that would hang on a cross to save sinners. Absolutely beautiful.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
This Cross...Again
This cross, Lord, it's here again.
I thought I'd left it far behind.
The pain and all the heartache
They were memories in my mind.
Yet once again they grip my heart
The fears, the pain, the ache
I'm not ready to carry it again
But it's here for me to take.
You were faithful through the first time
And I know right now you're here.
Please send me grace and strength I need
And catch these streaming tears.
I'm not the only one with pain
Greater crosses others bear
So through these blinding tears
Help me see their needs with care.
Although my arms are tired
And with this to hold feel weak
Give them strength to reach to others
Sharing comfort that they seek.
My voice, it oftens falters
When I speak of this ache and fear
Instead, in good or bad, I ask
Let it praise You, strong and clear.
For You are ever faithful
I've seen it times before
You walk with me on this journey
To show Your love once more.
I thank You for Your love
For the help You always send
I thank You for Your care
And how aching hearts you mend.
Your plan for us is perfect
I'm convinced that it is true
So with strengthened heart, I'm ready
To carry this cross for You.
-Laura Anne, December 2008
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to learn the Creighton Model of charting for NFP so that eventually, tests can be done to evaluate my hormones and see if there are any abnormalities. I knew it was coming up, but for some reason it didn't sink in until yesterday when the doctor called to confirm the appointment and discuss some things with me.
And then the fears and the pain of this spring washed over me once again. The familiar questions, the familiar frustrations, the familiar heartache-- once again pressing on every side. I thought my time of carrying this cross was finished, and to take it up again is so difficult.
I talked to Jesus last night about it and asked Him to help me find that strength and hope I found earlier this year. That trust in Him and that faith to wait patiently in the unknown. I know He is sending His grace and aid and that He will walk beside me every step.
Well, my spiritual muscles, you've had a long enough warm-up. It's time to get into the workout.
I thought I'd left it far behind.
The pain and all the heartache
They were memories in my mind.
Yet once again they grip my heart
The fears, the pain, the ache
I'm not ready to carry it again
But it's here for me to take.
You were faithful through the first time
And I know right now you're here.
Please send me grace and strength I need
And catch these streaming tears.
I'm not the only one with pain
Greater crosses others bear
So through these blinding tears
Help me see their needs with care.
Although my arms are tired
And with this to hold feel weak
Give them strength to reach to others
Sharing comfort that they seek.
My voice, it oftens falters
When I speak of this ache and fear
Instead, in good or bad, I ask
Let it praise You, strong and clear.
For You are ever faithful
I've seen it times before
You walk with me on this journey
To show Your love once more.
I thank You for Your love
For the help You always send
I thank You for Your care
And how aching hearts you mend.
Your plan for us is perfect
I'm convinced that it is true
So with strengthened heart, I'm ready
To carry this cross for You.
-Laura Anne, December 2008
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to learn the Creighton Model of charting for NFP so that eventually, tests can be done to evaluate my hormones and see if there are any abnormalities. I knew it was coming up, but for some reason it didn't sink in until yesterday when the doctor called to confirm the appointment and discuss some things with me.
And then the fears and the pain of this spring washed over me once again. The familiar questions, the familiar frustrations, the familiar heartache-- once again pressing on every side. I thought my time of carrying this cross was finished, and to take it up again is so difficult.
I talked to Jesus last night about it and asked Him to help me find that strength and hope I found earlier this year. That trust in Him and that faith to wait patiently in the unknown. I know He is sending His grace and aid and that He will walk beside me every step.
Well, my spiritual muscles, you've had a long enough warm-up. It's time to get into the workout.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Pre-Christmastime Confessions
I have a confession to make. I have listened to Christmas music already. (I'll give you time to gasp in shock and disappointment.) Now for an explanation...well...you see...I'm not sure I have one. But I happened to be in the library the other day and their shelf of Christmas CD's caught my eye...and I saw they had Steven Curtis Chapman's newest Christmas CD...and I love his song called "All I Really Want"...and the next thing I know I'm popping it into the CD player in my car.
That's where the real problem starts. I happily listen to my favourite songs and then when I'm finished I press the 'eject' button. Nothing happens. I try again. Same thing. Oh dear. Not good. To make a long story short, it has been about a week and I am still unable to get the CD out of my player. My dad (who knows just about everything there is to know about cars-- love you, Daddy!) took a look and thinks the whole player will need to be sent somewhere for them to fix. Oh joy. What do I tell the librarian?
I guess it serves me right for listening to Christmas music too early this year...
I have another confession. (Ah, this feels so good to get out in the open. Confession is good for the soul.) I have already watched a Christmas movie, too. This time I have a pretty good excuse. Well, I think so anyway. I had reserved it through our interlibrary loan system and it came in much earlier than I anticipated. What else could I do but watch it? I mean, come on, it would be due well before Thanksgiving even arrived. So one night I was alone in the house and I cozied up in my pajamas for a night with "The Christmas Card."
If you haven't seen this movie, do find it and watch it (during the real Christmastime, of course). It is a beautiful story of how a young woman's thoughtfulness in sending a card to a random soldier touched that soldier's life. And then when he returns from Afghanistan, he finds the woman who sent the card, meets her family, falls in love with them all, and there's a happy ending. I'm not good with short synopses, can you tell? Grant calls the movie a "cheesy Hallmark one," but hmmm, he also happens to have seen it twice. (I think he liked it.)
I have to admit that although the movie was great, the timing was not-so-great with Grant being in Iraq. I didn't realize how hard it would be. So many things in the movie reminded me of him and of the gap between us right now. But God is good and we know He has a plan for this year. We are trusting in Him to mold us and prune us in these difficult times. He is faithful. Knowing this and knowing Him make me smile through the tears.
And listening to my Christmas CD over and over and over again in the car makes me laugh.
That's where the real problem starts. I happily listen to my favourite songs and then when I'm finished I press the 'eject' button. Nothing happens. I try again. Same thing. Oh dear. Not good. To make a long story short, it has been about a week and I am still unable to get the CD out of my player. My dad (who knows just about everything there is to know about cars-- love you, Daddy!) took a look and thinks the whole player will need to be sent somewhere for them to fix. Oh joy. What do I tell the librarian?
I guess it serves me right for listening to Christmas music too early this year...
I have another confession. (Ah, this feels so good to get out in the open. Confession is good for the soul.) I have already watched a Christmas movie, too. This time I have a pretty good excuse. Well, I think so anyway. I had reserved it through our interlibrary loan system and it came in much earlier than I anticipated. What else could I do but watch it? I mean, come on, it would be due well before Thanksgiving even arrived. So one night I was alone in the house and I cozied up in my pajamas for a night with "The Christmas Card."
If you haven't seen this movie, do find it and watch it (during the real Christmastime, of course). It is a beautiful story of how a young woman's thoughtfulness in sending a card to a random soldier touched that soldier's life. And then when he returns from Afghanistan, he finds the woman who sent the card, meets her family, falls in love with them all, and there's a happy ending. I'm not good with short synopses, can you tell? Grant calls the movie a "cheesy Hallmark one," but hmmm, he also happens to have seen it twice. (I think he liked it.)
I have to admit that although the movie was great, the timing was not-so-great with Grant being in Iraq. I didn't realize how hard it would be. So many things in the movie reminded me of him and of the gap between us right now. But God is good and we know He has a plan for this year. We are trusting in Him to mold us and prune us in these difficult times. He is faithful. Knowing this and knowing Him make me smile through the tears.
And listening to my Christmas CD over and over and over again in the car makes me laugh.
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