This Cross...Again

This cross, Lord, it's here again.
I thought I'd left it far behind.
The pain and all the heartache
They were memories in my mind.

Yet once again they grip my heart
The fears, the pain, the ache
I'm not ready to carry it again
But it's here for me to take.

You were faithful through the first time
And I know right now you're here.
Please send me grace and strength I need
And catch these streaming tears.

I'm not the only one with pain
Greater crosses others bear
So through these blinding tears
Help me see their needs with care.

Although my arms are tired
And with this to hold feel weak
Give them strength to reach to others
Sharing comfort that they seek.

My voice, it oftens falters
When I speak of this ache and fear
Instead, in good or bad, I ask
Let it praise You, strong and clear.

For You are ever faithful
I've seen it times before
You walk with me on this journey
To show Your love once more.

I thank You for Your love
For the help You always send
I thank You for Your care
And how aching hearts you mend.

Your plan for us is perfect
I'm convinced that it is true
So with strengthened heart, I'm ready
To carry this cross for You.

-Laura Anne, December 2008

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to learn the Creighton Model of charting for NFP so that eventually, tests can be done to evaluate my hormones and see if there are any abnormalities. I knew it was coming up, but for some reason it didn't sink in until yesterday when the doctor called to confirm the appointment and discuss some things with me.

And then the fears and the pain of this spring washed over me once again. The familiar questions, the familiar frustrations, the familiar heartache-- once again pressing on every side. I thought my time of carrying this cross was finished, and to take it up again is so difficult.

I talked to Jesus last night about it and asked Him to help me find that strength and hope I found earlier this year. That trust in Him and that faith to wait patiently in the unknown. I know He is sending His grace and aid and that He will walk beside me every step.

Well, my spiritual muscles, you've had a long enough warm-up. It's time to get into the workout.