It sounded so comforting when I read it.
“Like St. Margaret Mary, you may hear Jesus a hundred times a day, saying to you, ‘Let me do it.’ In your difficulties, in your problems, in all those things in your daily life which are sometimes so difficult, so distressing, when you ask yourself, ‘What shall I do? How shall I do it?’ listen to Him saying to you, ‘Let me do it.’”
And I wanted to believe it. I wanted to feel a burden lifting. An ease that Jesus would do these hard things. That when we let go He steps in.
But instead, I felt resistant to the words in my devotional book. Doubt. Frustration. Because, my mind argued, He doesn’t always seem to step in when I let go. He doesn’t physically appear and do the hard things for me. If I let go or step back or fall down in weakness, I don’t always see Him or feel Him…and those difficulties still seem to be there.
I wrestled with the words.
Maybe letting Him do it means letting Him do it in me, through me. Letting Him pour out grace into my heart, making my weakness into His strength. That when I think I’m doing it all on my own, I don’t realize the graces and the strength He has given me. That He’s beside me, in me, with me. Just because I don’t feel it or see it doesn’t mean He’s not there through the “distress and difficulties.”
The hidden undercurrent of His grace.
I think about those Apostles . Those earthly men who followed the Divine. I look at the crucifix, at my saving Jesus on the cross, and I wonder…did they look at Him dying there, and wonder why He wasn’t stepping in? They had let go of so much in their lives and here He was, seemingly helpless on a cross. Did He look at them with bloody-beautiful eyes that spoke “Let me do it.. Let me do this.” The Apostles had no idea of the power and the grace and the redemption in that moment. The burdens and sins and darkness Jesus had taken on and was conquering.
So too in my moments when I choose to let go and to let Him…maybe I will see no actions but my own. Maybe I will not see Him taking on my burdens or defeating or conquering. Maybe I will feel like my letting go brought nothing. But I must believe. I must trust. Because there is strength and grace and power behind that action of letting Him do it.