I glance at the clock as I hear her hungry little grunts and noises. I try to remember when I last got up to nurse but it's all blurring in my tired memory. So I get out of bed and hope that this will be a quick feeding and get both of us back to much-needed sleep.
Instead she is wide awake after her meal. My frustration melts when she smiles at me. And then she laughs. The first time. And I cry at the beauty of it.
She finally drifts back to sleep in my arms as I rock in my great-grandma's rocking chair. I put her back in her bed and glance at the clock again. The daily decision-- do I go back to bed or stay up? It's way too early to be up with this much lack of sleep...but I feel the Lord calling me.
I walk down the stairs, every muscle aching, even the ones in my face. It's as foggy outside as it feels in my brain. I put the coffee on and hear the comforting brew. I close my eyes to the mess all around me of wipes and blankets and water glasses and opened mail and laundry in the dryer. So much to do in my small amount of time before she wakes up...prayer time feels extravagant.
But I respond to His invitation anyway. I take my mug of coffee and the baby monitor out to the porch. I sit quietly as the sun burns through the fog and I wait for the Son to burn through the fog in me.
He shows up. Despite my inconsistency in meeting with Him, He is there. We talk. We sit in silence. We watch the morning sky together. I tell Him about my inadequacies. He tells me about His grace.
I look at the bottom of my coffee cup and I hear the noises on the baby monitor. It's time to go. I walk back in to the messiness but it doesn't bother me as much anymore.
Instead I hear His tender reminder as I begin this day...I am with you.
He is with you too today. With all the grace you will need. Feel His tender love for you in every moment.