Words

I'm curled up on my bed with my laptop, you know, on top of my lap. (ha. funny.) I'm reading Pinterest quotes. All the good ones I've pinned into my quotes folder. For times like these. For nights like these.


When I forget who I am. When I see my sin and selfishness and I'm overwhelmed. When I feel the weight of unfulfilled desires, unchecked to-do lists, and unprocessed emotions. When I'm convinced I'm stagnant, boring, empty, worthless. When guilt and discouragement blind me.


I sank into the chair earlier. Desperate for prayer yet distant from Him at the same time. I leaned my head back and rested for a moment. My mind was silent then jolted awake by my heart speaking to God unexpectedly.


Do you want me? it asked, pleaded, as two crocodile tears slipped down my cheeks unbidden. I was startled by my heart's cry. It wasn't what I had come to pray about.


But perhaps it was the root of my struggles.


Did I believe in a Father who loved me--liked me even--and wanted me, as His child, as His beloved? Or did I believe I was simply His servant--His slave?--who never was good enough, never quite who she wanted to be, so perhaps not who He wanted her to be either?


I see it written out and I know the truth. I know it in my mind. But my heart doesn't grasp it sometimes.


So I'm reminding my heart tonight. And you know, I think God uses even Pinterest to speak to us sometimes.


{And yes, of course I'll share my quotes board with you!}