It has to be grace.
This calm in the midst of craziness.
We leave for Haiti this week. I'm not packed. I haven't planned my dog-sitting schedule. I sing for a wedding the day after we return and still haven't practiced two of the songs (don't worry--I have a plan).
But I'm incredibly, beautifully peaceful. And joyful. And trusting.
I feel His presence so tangibly these last few days. In a way I haven't in a long time. It's been somewhat dry spiritually for me. The busyness, the sin and selfishness, the uncertainty of the future, and even a few doubts from the past. So this rain of grace washing the windows of my soul is wonderful and welcome. I can't help but think it's the prayers of sweet friends like you who have prayed for me and this upcoming trip.
Last night I was driving the hour home from P.'s, allowing the comfortable rhythm of reflection and prayer to play out as I drove on the lonely roads. An indescribable rawness of emotion surfaced, a questioning of who I really am--or was, or will be--and if I'm where I'm supposed to be.
And then the familiar notes of one of my favorite songs started playing on the radio. Meredith Andrews, "Not for a Moment." The song I listened to so often during the breakup period between me and P.
The song that reminded me that He, this God and Abba and Lover and Friend, is the only one sure thing in my life. The only Constant. The Unchanging One. The One who never, ever leaves-- whether I feel His presence or not.
And I was reminded again. He is still here. Every question in my mind of who I am can be tossed into the beautiful abyss of knowing Whose I am. No matter what the future holds, He has a plan. He is not confused or surprised or disappointed by my life. And He loves me. Always.
Though I look at my life as the past, the present, and the future, it's all the same to Him. He simply is. He's already there in Haiti, He's already there in the decisions I need to make later this year, He's already there years from now. What a comfort.
Even now, the thoughts bring tears to my eyes. What an amazing God we serve...what an loving Father we've been adopted by.