What do I know?

Addison Road has done it again. Written a beautiful, stirring song that reaches to the depths of me with lyrics that speak to my soul.

I remember listening to their song, "Hope Now," on the way home from one of my doctor visits during my PCOS appointments. The words encouraging me to have hope in the One who created me, the One who sees the whole picture and not just the moment. That when we feel broken down by the world, His love sets us free, as the songs says.

And now I've been hearing another song on the radio, "What Do I Know of Holy?" I was sold on it the first time I heard it. Letting the words sink in during a time when I'm learning that life cannot fit in the perfect little box we'd like it to...and neither does God.

"I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small...
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees"

I know I've made Him too small at times. Snuggled up for my prayer time with my Father, ready with multiple hopes, sorrows, supplications. Focusing on my life, my little world.

But it's not my little world. It's His. It's all His. And it's huge. I make Him too small when I am only concerned about what He can do for me. With where I am at this moment in life. The small portion in front of me instead of the big picture in front of Him.

Not that He doesn't care. Because He does. With a never-ending, unconditional, amazing love.

Yet when I focus solely on my limited vision and my struggles, I need to be careful not to make myself the god. Not to think I am the one things should revolve around. "What do I know of holy?" The one who "spoke me into motion"? The "God who gave life its name"? Am I remembering his power and his might and his perfection? Am I realizing that if I saw Him in all His glory, I would fall to my knees? The qualities that make God so mysterious and huge and beyond my human thoughts are the same qualities that make His personal love, His willingness and desire to be part of our individual lives so amazing.

That a God we still can barely comprehend wants to be close to us. He doesn't mind that we can do so little compared to what He has done for us.

As we begin Advent, preparing for the birth of Jesus, I feel so incredibly blessed...

that we serve a God who is so infinitely above us, but who comes down to our level to bring us to Him. That the God who created the universe sent His Son to become one of us, that we would not be afraid to come to Him.

What do I know of holy? Maybe not much...but the Holy One asks me to follow Him, to learn to know Him. And though today I may only know a fraction of Who He really is, I have the hope of all of eternity to keep learning.